


Relationshipswitched

by isisUnbound



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, HappyStuck, Hivebent, I just don't know what I'm doing, Minor Character(s), Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Rare Pairings, Romantic Comedy, all of them - Freeform, all the trolls - Freeform, and it is awesome, crack pairings: the fanfic, i take it back there is a plot, just having fun with the tags, lighter and softer, they're wont be any heavy plot stuff, this is basically just romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isisUnbound/pseuds/isisUnbound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How would Hivebent have played out if the trolls had radically different relationships with each other?<br/>Watch as indifference turns into pity, pity into hatred and enmity into friendship!</p><p>Also known as "Crack pairings: the fanfic".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meowrails

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Relationshipswitched!
> 
> I always thought it was a pity that some trolls seemed to barely know each other in canon. This is my attempt to shake things up a little, with minor characters and rarely-seen pairings taking the spotlight.
> 
> I will try to keep the characters IC except for the changes that are logical in the context of this AU.
> 
> I have no idea where I'm going, how long will this last and how it will end. I'm just going with the flow to try to overcome my writer's block on other bigger projects.
> 
> Also pardon my English, for I am French. :)

> Be the most important character in Relationshipswitched

You are NEPETA LEIJON.

You live in a CAVE that is also a HIVE but mostly just a CAVE. You like to engage in ROLEPLAYING, especially the DANGEROUS KIND. You are quite the FLARP CHAMPION!

Sometimes you WISH you didn’t have to KILL SO MANY TROLLS. But the BODIES OF THEIR LUSI are needed to keep HER voice down. If you didn’t do it, who would? Everyone has an important job to do.

> Nepeta: Go outside.

The forest is empty, which is incredibly bizarre in and of itself. But you do not dwell on it. Your soul skims the voids between remembrance and boredom as if belonging to a poor poet, or say, a flighty ghost. A mournful note is produced. It’s the one Unoriginality plays when you’re just repeating the comic’s narration.

This is not your sixth wriggling day and nothing is missing from your life. Being with your moirail has taught you that the world is a considerably harsher place than what you naively thought but, as long as you are with your friends, it’s still alright. And you have the best friends in the whole wide world!

> Nepeta: Look at your drawing tablet! Someone’s trolling you!

It’s your moirail! You’re always glad to speak to him.

caligulasAquarium [CA]  began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CA: hey nep  
AC: :33 < *the furocious huntress jumps on her moirail and engulfs him in the biggest hug efur*  
CA: nep this is important this is about feels

You immediately drop your roleplaying. You’re always ready to drop the roleplaying when Eridan wants to talk about something important. This is what being a good moirail is about!

AC: :33 < what is it, eridan?  
CA: i havve flushed feelings for someone else i thought that wwas never goin to happen  
CA: you knoww after fef  
CA: but i havve found the one you got to help me wwin her heart nep  
AC: :33 < furst i would like to tell you how happy i am that you got over furfuri and that someone else is getting your blood pusher pumping!  
CA: its a collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vvascular system nep  
AC: :33 < who cares?  
AC: :33 < i cant wait to add this new relationship to our shipping wall!  
AC: :33 < so whos the lucky troll?  
CA: its ara  
AC: :33 < aradia? i dont really know her. but im sure shes very nice!  
CA: shes more than nice shes fuckin perfect please make her like me nep  
CA: not like last time  
AC: :33 < do you regret following my advice eridan ? :(  
CA: no dont make me say what I havvent been sayin nep  
CA: if i hadnt confessed to fef i would probably havve done something terrible like enterin a fake moirallegiance wwith her  
CA: bein rejected hurts but i think its a good thin that happened an i got ovver it come on nep fefs old newws you gotta help me wwith ara should i confess to her too  
AC: :33 < no! i told you to confess to furfuri because youve known each other practically since grubhood so her f33lings for you had to be clear  
AC: :33 < its different with aradia. she barely knows you. how about trying to become her furiend before trying to become her matesprit?  
CA: but howw  
AC: :33 < youve got her trollian handle, right? why dont you try to speak with her?  
CA: wwell yes  
CA: but ivve got no idea wwhat to say  
AC: :33 < you both like flarping so i guess you could talk about that? or about anything really. you could ask her about her night, her favourite food…  
AC: :33 < you just have to be yourself and she will like you eridan!  
CA: you really think so  
AC: :33 < im pawsitive about it! :33  
CA: wwell thanks nep  
CA: youre the best moirail a troll could ask for  
AC: :33 < so are you  
CA: i guess i wwill go an followw your advvice then  
AC: :33 < good luck  
CA: <>  
AC: :33 < <>

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

> Nepeta: Add new relationship to Shipping Wall.

You promptly draw Eridan and Aradia in a matespritship, encircling it with a big red heart to show the desired ship for your moirail.  
Your gaze wanders to the other encircled ship, the one with “oh yessssss!” written below it. It’s a ship you can’t stop dwelling on. You’re glad your moirail is just a teeny bit self-centered because if he weren’t, he would point out how remarkably bad you are at following your own advice.  
You’ve known your flushcrush since forever and you have not yet confessed.  
Ever since Eridan confessed to Feferi and got rejected, things have been tense and awkward between them. You’ve got such a great friendship with this particular troll that you’re terribly afraid of ruining it.  
You could handle rejection but not losing your best friend. 

> Be Nepeta’s mysterious flush crush.

You can’t be Nepeta’s flushcrush because his or her identity hasn’t been revealed yet! You will just have to live with this burning mystery. Poor you.

> Be Nepeta’s moirail instead.

You are now ERIDAN AMPORA.

You used to have a GENOCIDE COMPLEX before your moirail helped you realise that KILLING ALL LAND DWELLERS would destroy your only quadrantmate and 99% of your possible romantic partners in one fell swoop. It was, in retrospect, kind of a DUMB IDEA.

Nepeta’s good for you like that.

> Eridan: don’t loose time! Heed your moirail’s advice!

You promptly troll your new lady love.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CA: hello  
AA: hi eridan!  
CA: howw are you  
AA: im fine!  
AA: im helping sollux set up teams for a new game  
CA: is it a roleplayin game  
CA: because nep wwould so wwant to play  
AA: nepeta will definitely play!  
AA: as a matter of fact, so will you!  
AA: you both will be very important players  
CA: color me unsurprised ara  
CA: if youre looking for a team ace a hero thats me  
CA: and nep is no slouch either  
AA: you two really are a good team!  
AA: as for the nature of the game it wont exactly be roleplaying  
AA: though we will all have very important roles to play! :)  
CA: wwhy so mysterious  
AA: i can hear the voices of the dead  
AA: sometimes their whispers are painful or unsettling  
AA: im used to it. i know theres no fighting fate  
AA: but i dont want to frighten you or make you uncomfortable eridan  
CA: im not scared  
CA: there are no games i cannot beat  
AA: spoken like a true Hero of Hope!  
AA: in the game you will have to preserve our spirit as your moirail protects our hearts  
AA: your task may make the difference between success and failure  
CA: i wwont fail you ara  
CA: so wwhen do wwe play  
AA: today  
AA: i have to go  
AA: time waits for no one even for its Seer  
AA: but when we talk again it will be face to face! :)

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Spooky girl.

> Nepeta: Dance.

You are once again Nepeta Leijion and you are dancing.  
You move with a deadly grace, flowing through feints, thrusts and parries as easily as breathing. You’re as fast as the wind yet your steps never falter. You have been going through the motions of this dance since you were but a wriggler.  
You whirl and feel your claws cut neatly through the air as they would tear through a prey’s flesh.  
You are Nepeta Leijion and you are a huntress.  
The sound of your chat client draws your attention and you end your dance in a low crouch, which is also your favourite pouncing position.

> Nepeta: Answer TA.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

TA: NP would you liike two play a game wiith me?  
AC: :33 < *the kitten stares curiously at the gruff b33*  
AC: :33 < *she swats him playfully and asks “what kind of game?”*  
TA: god the roleplayiing.  
TA: wont iit ever 2top?  
AC: :33 < * the kitten growls angrily at the rude b33. “im doing whatever i damn well please” she replies*  
TA: ok iif you want two be the re2iident autii2tiic catgiirl be my fuckiing gue2t.  
TA: the game ii2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.  
TA: but mo2tly iit ii2 our only way two e2cape the iimpendiing Armaggedon.  
AC: :33 < is the world really ending sollux?  
AC: :33 < it better not be some sort of retarded prank :-[  
TA: iive never been more 2eriiou2 iin my liife.  
TA: iif you dont beliieve me you can alway2 a2k AA.  
TA: or maybe you could accept the troll who hear2 the voiice2 of the iimiinently decea2ed know2 better than you.  
AC: :33 < i dont care if youre lying i want to play anyway  
AC: :33 < but only if eridan and terezi can purrticipate as well  
TA: ii expected a2 much you three are kiind of a package deal.  
TA: ii dont miind you and TZ beiing on my team iif only your moiiraiil werent 2uch a douchelord.  
AC: :33 < dont diss eridan!  
AC: :33 < youre one of the worst troll in the world to criticize him and you know it!  
TA: well 2iince were talkiing about EQ  
AC: :33 < what of him? hes not playing right? surely such games are too lowly for a “proper highblood”.  
TA: dont fliip your 2hiit about EQ.  
TA: ii 2wear youre almo2t wor2t than KK 2ometime2.  
AC: :33 < you know i dont f33l this way towards him, sollux  
AC: :33 < i could never be in a quadrant with equius zahnak, not even stupid pitch  
TA: ii dont care about your viiew2 on the black quadrant.  
TA: the thiing ii2 iim not team leader EQ ii2.  
AC: :33 < what? isnt this your game?  
TA: ii a2ked hiim two be the leader of the blue team.  
TA: ii care jack2hiit about beiing team leader but keepiing hiim happy ii2 iimportant.  
AC: :33 < there isnt one thing about your relationship that isnt gross as hell!  
AC: :33 < do you like him? how can you even like him?  
TA: iit2 more compliicated than that.  
TA: not all of u2 can be miidblood2 liiviing a cu2hy liife in miiddle-of-nowhere-land.  
TA: having a hiighblood ally iis priceless iit can mean the diifference between liife and death.  
TA: plu2 EQ actually have 2ome craft2man2hiip that doe2nt iinvolve throwiing blood on wall2.  
AC: :33 < you two jerks really deserve each other!  
AC: :33 < i think i might just defect to the red team!  
TA: you wont do that VK ii2 the leader  
AC: :33 < so?  
TA: 2he2 good friiend2 wiith FF 2o 2he wiill probably recruiit her fiir2t  
TA: forciing your moiiraiil and the troll who rejected hiim two be on the 2ame team 2eem2 liike a 2tellar fuckiing iidea for all the party iinvolved  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < well we both know i cant do that to eridan  
AC: :33 < so i guess im still on your team  
AC: :33 < and im still your furiend too, even if I sometimes get angry with you!  
AC: :33 < you know that, right?  
TA: ehehehe youre 2o mu2hy 2ometiime2 NP  
TA: of cour2e were 2tiill friiend2.  
TA: iin fact thii2 whole conver2atiion wa2 kiinda 2tupiid let2 forget iit ever happened  
AC: :33 < lets

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


	2. Spider8itch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah for the second chapter of Relationshipswitched!
> 
> Vriska, our favorite black hole, the character we all love or love to hate, has kinda hijacked this chapter.

> Be the leader of the Red Team. 

You are VRISKA SERKET.

You used to be an APOCALYPSE BUFF until your VISION EIGHTFOLD revealed to you exactly how and when THE WORLD WAS TO END. You also discovered that you were fated to PLAY A CERTAIN GAME, or rather be played by it.

You are Marquise Spinneret Mindfang’s descendant, you have the SWEETEST POWERS EVER and ALL THE LUCK belongs to you. All of it. Your only destiny is the one you will forge for yourself.

You are not the true leader of the Red Team, though you currently hold the position. 

You are the girl that will break the game.

> Vriska: Begin recruiting.

Starting with the obvious…

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Pupaaaaaaaa.  
AT: hELLO vRISKA,  
AG: Are you ready to play the game?  
AT: yOU MEAN, tHE GAME THAT WILL DESTROY THE WORLD?  
AG: What other game could I 8e talking about????????  
AT: uHHHH,  
AT: i DON’T KNOW,  
AT: fLARP?  
AG: Flarping is for wrigglers!!!!!!!!  
AG: I don’t have time for playing make 8elieve, even as someone as gr8t as Mindfang  
AG: Our flarping days are over, pupa.  
AG: Time to step up your game.  
AT: bUT,  
AT: wHAT ABOUT YOUR LUSUS?  
AG: Not a pro8lem.  
AG: she’ll 8e dead soon.  
AT: i’M VERY SORRY  
AG: Don’t 8e.  
AG: She’s nothing 8ut an inconvenience.  
AT: oF ALL OUR fRIENDS YOU HAVE THE WORST LUSUS,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: sHE STILL RAISED YOU,  
AT: sO i THINK IT IS OKAY TO FEEL SAD,  
AT: uHHHH,  
AT: iF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,  
AG: You really need to get tougher!  
AG: A loooooooot tougher!  
AG: How will you react when you silly flying 8ull lusus hit the 8uck8?  
AT: tINKERBULL,  
AT: tINKERBULL WON’T DIE, rIGHT?  
AG: Of course he will.  
AG: All our lusi will die.  
AG: It is a necessary part of the game.  
AT: nO,  
AT: i DON’T WANT TO PLAY,  
AG: You think your refusal will change anything?  
AG: Laaaaaaaame.  
AG: The world will end.  
AG: Your lusus will die.  
AG: The game will 8e played.  
AT: bUT,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: dID YOU EVER THINK THAT,  
AT: bY PLAYING,  
AT: wE’RE KINDA COMPLICIT IN THE WORLD ENDING,  
AT: i DONT WANT TINKERBULL TO DIE BECAUSE OF ME,  
AG: Don’t you see the game for what it is, pupa?  
AG: A challenge!!!!!!!!  
AG: The only wait to avenge your lusus and defy the forces that are manipul8ting us is to 8eat the game!  
AG: 8ut noooooooo.  
AG: As usual the gr8t tavros nitram wants to do nothing!!!!!!!!  
AT: dON’T WORRY, vRISKA,  
AT: i PROMISED i’D PLAY WITH YOU AND i WILL,  
AT: yOU CAN COUNT ON ME,  
AG: Good!!!!!!!!  
AG: Now go spend some time with your silly lusus!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

adiosToreador [AT]began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AT: tHANKS,  
AT: fOR TELLING ME ABOUT tINKERBULL,  
AT: aND FOR EVERYTHING,  
AT: <>

adiosToreador [AT]ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

God, your moirail is so lame!

You really don’t know why you’re keeping him. Must be because every hero needs a silly weaker sidekick to provide comic relief.

> Vriska: Ponder on who to recruit next.

You do not do that because you know exactly who you will recruit next.

You’ve been thinking about this game for a long time!

Most of your friends are so stupid and/or insane that it was actually pretty easy to make your choice.

Here go a girl that you can suffer most of the times!

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

AG: Still ready to play?  
CC: I AM POSITIV-ELY –EXCIT-ED ABOAT IT!  
CC: Too bad I will be the last to enter.  
AG: It’s kinda necessary  
AG: Everyone entering after you would risk seeing his 8rain turning into mush.  
CC: I know!  
CC: I will stay by )(er side and keep )(er quiet until t)(e very end.  
CC: I feel sad, and guilty, and guilty because I dont feel sad enoug)(. 38(  
CC: Shes t)(e best lusus but its so difficult sometimes.  
CC: Im saury to bend you ear aboat my troubles but I feel like youre t)(e only one to truly understand, vriska.  
AG: You really should find yourself a moirail, peixes.  
CC: DONT B-E A M-EANY!  
CC: We dont )(ave to be moirails to speak aboat )(ow we feel!  
CC: Plus I bet you refuse to speak of it even wit)( tavros!  
AG: You know me too well ::::)  
CC: 38D  
CC: ANYWAY L-ETS GLUB ABOUT SOM-ET)(ING –ELS-E!  
CC: W)(o will be our coplayers?  
AG: For now its just you, me and tavros.  
AG: Equius is the leader of the other team and I don’t know who is on his team yet, except his moirail and matesprit o8viously  
AG: Im still thinking a8out who to ask next.  
CC: W)(at aboat karcrab?  
AG: The angry shouty grub?  
AG: Not your 8est idea, peixes.  
CC: Reely?  
CC: I t)(houg)(t you )(ad feelings for )(im…  
AG: Reaaaaaaaally????????  
AG: I would really like to know how you came to that conclusion, peixes.  
CC: Youre baiting )(im and flirting wit)( )(im all t)(e time.  
CC: I t)(oug)(t you were black for )(im but karcrab already )(as a kismefis)( so…  
AG: Is this an ashen proposal?  
AG: It’s not wise to auspisticize your flushcrush, peixes.  
CC: ITS NOT AN AS)(-EN PROPOSAL!!!  
CC: AND KARCRAB IS NOT MY FLUS)(CRUS)(!!!  
CC: I was just curious, thats all!  
AG: Your curiosity will have to go unsatisfied.  
AG: Like you said 8efore I don’t talk a8out feelings even with tavros.  
AG: As for vantas, I have not decided yet if he shall 8e part of the team or not.  
AG: Until I’ve made a decision, don’t speak a word to him a8out the game.  
AG: I want him off my 8ack, understood?  
CC: FIN----E I WONT T-ELL )(IM!!  
CC: but youre still a meany!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

Excellent. Your plan is moving along perfectly. 

> Meanwhile, in the past…

You are SOLLUX CAPTOR.

You are a COMPUTER ENTHUSIAST and an ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENT EXPERT. With your friend that specialises in hardware, you have created many SUPER-STRONG AND INTELLIGENT ROBOTS. As this friend likes to give you gifts, you have an ARMY OF ROBOTIC SERVANTS TO DO YOUR BIDDING.

This is exactly as cool as it sounds. Befits a cool dude such as yourself.

You have just finished DEVELOPING A GAME using some code that your grubhood friend Aradia found in an ANCIENT TEMPLE. According to both Aradia and Vriska, this game is the only way you can escape DEATH BY METEOR.

To play the game, you need to divide your friends into two teams. But you will not do so alone.

> Sollux: Contact friend about game.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

TA: hello EQ.  
CT: D --> Lowb100d  
TA: ii have fiinii2hed the game there wiill be two team2.  
TA: a2 leader of the red team ii nomiinate vri2ka 2erket.  
CT: D --> An acceptable choice  
TA: and you 2hall be the leader of the blue team.  
CT: D --> As befits my rank  
TA: but ii wiill be the one doiing the recruiitiing.  
CT: D --> A lowb100d rising above his station  
CT: D --> This is so 100D  
CT: D --> E%cuse me, I seem to require a towel

He does that all the fricking time!

CT: D --> I am back  
CT: D --> Would it be acceptable if we were  
CT: D --> Co-leaders of the b100 team?  
TA: 2ure whatever.  
CT: D --> As secret co-leaders, we must decide together on who will be our teammates  
CT: D --> Who did you have in mind, Sollu%  
TA: fiir2t we 2hould have your moiiraiil on the team.  
CT: D --> Of course  
TA: then ii wa2 thiinkiing about gamzee makara.  
CT: D --> NO  
CT: D --> I most STRONGLY oppose this suggestion  
TA: but he ii2 hiigher than you on the 2pectrum.  
CT: D --> Just so  
CT: D --> Gamzee Makara’s behaviour is an insult to both highb100ds and trollkind in general  
CT: D --> Dying with the rest of Alternia is a kinder fate than he deserves  
CT: D --> He should be culled RIGHT THIS INSTANT and I would do the deed myself if I could  
TA: but  
CT: D --> Silence lowb100d  
CT: D --> I will not be moved on the subjeCT  
TA: what about Nepeta Leiijon, Terezii Pyrope and Eriidan Ampora?  
CT: D --> An oliveb100d and a tealb100d?  
CT: D --> Not great but acceptable  
CT: D --> It is unfortunate that Ampora is a seadweller  
CT: D --> But, as he is a violetb100d, I think I can suffer him  
TA: ii wiill never get your twii2ted hemo2pectrum logiic.  
CT: D --> You can NOT get it  
CT: D --> Proper behaviour is no concern for the lower masses  
TA: iif you were 2o concerned about proper behaviiour, you wouldnt be talkiing to me EQ.  
CT: D --> It’s different with you  
CT: D --> Your mind elevates you above your status  
TA: are you 2ure about that?  
TA: la2t time ii checked ii wa2 2tiill a pii22blood.  
TA: ju2t thiink about the thiick yellow 2luiice goiing through my veiin2.  
TA: like torrent2 of really gro22 banana juiice drowniing a poor innocent wriiggler.  
TA: the wriiggler ii2 you EQ.  
CT: D --> This image is distressing  
CT: D --> And yet strangely appealing  
CT: D --> I think I may require another towel  
TA: eheheh youre 2o prediictable EQ.  
TA: but joke a2iide my earliier poiint 2tiill 2tand2.  
CT: D --> I know my feelings for you are one of my failings and I endeavoured to crush them  
CT: D --> In vain I struggled  
CT: D --> It would not do  
CT: D --> Your position on the hemospectrum is unacceptable  
CT: D --> The mere thought of a concupiscent relationship impossible  
CT: D --> But my feelings cannot be repressed  
CT: D --> I am flushed for you in spite of my will, my reason and everything I ever believed in  
TA: you really are a charmer.  
CT: D --> Is this a form of humorous insincerity  
CT: D --> I do not “get” lowblood humour  
TA: no ii am 100% 2iincere.  
TA: ii am 2wooniing riight now.  
TA: an ordiinary troll cannot wiith2tand 2uch an eloquent expre22iion of red piity wiithout 2ufferiing from an extreme ca2e of the vapor2.  
TA: here ii wiill even type heart2 at you.  
TA: <3  
CT: D --> This is e%tremely silly  
CT: D --> Yet I cannot stop myself from typing them back  
CT: D --> <3  
CT: D --> I will be very glad to meet you face to face in the game, Sollu%  
TA: yeah 2ure.  
TA: iit will be a bla2t.

Oh God what are you going to do?


	3. Friendleader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write. I didn't think that Karkat's voice would be so hard to get right.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter introduces one of my favorite flushed pairings! Hope you like it!

> Be the leader.

You are now KARKAT VANTAS.

Today is your SIXTH WRIGGLING DAY, which is totally insignificant. You are pretty sure that NOTHING IMPORTANT WHATSOEVER will happen today. Nope, nothing at all. 

As usual, you will celebrate by watching a GOOD OL’ ROMANTIC COMEDY. You really wish than REAL WORLD ROMANCE would be as simple as in your favourite movies. Unfortunately, you seem to have a talent for becoming embroiled with the most insane and/or annoying of highbloods.

> Karkat: Your new chat client is pinging. Time for an impromptu interruption!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CC: )(-ELLO KARCRAB!!  
CC: Glub glub glub  
CC: )(OW AR-E YOU?  
CG: WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU WANT.  
CC: I just want to s)(are some exciting news!!!  
CC: Im going to play a brand new game with a bunc)( of friends!  
CC: It will be a lot of fun!  
CG: GEE LET’S PRETEND I GIVE A FUCK.  
CG: WHAT KIND OF GAME?  
CC: Its an immersive simulation where two teams face off in a fantasy world.  
CC: If youre interested, Vriska is still looking for members for our team!  
CG: YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT VRISKA’S GAME, RIGHT?  
CG: THE MYSTEEEEEEEERIOUS GAME THAT WILL CAUSE THE END OF THE WORLD?  
CC: T)(is very game!  
CC: Isnt it exciting?  
CC: BECAUSE I AM ----EXCIT---ED!!  
CC: So will you join our team, Karcrab?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE I WILL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT TONIGHT. MAYBE I WON’T.  
CG: VRISKA’S PROJECTS HAVE A BAD TRACK RECORD FOR BEING EITHER COMPLETELY INSANE OR INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS OR BOTH.  
CG: PLUS ARADIA IS ACTUALLY AGREEING WITH VRISKA ABOUT THIS GAME AND IT CREEPS THE HELL OUT OF ME.  
CC: OK!!! 38D  
CC: Glub glub glub!  
CC: Karcrab, if you speak wit)( Vriska aboat t)(e game  
CC: Would you mind not mentioning t)(is conversation?  
CG: WHY?  
CC: I wasnt supposed to tell you anyt)(ing atoll.  
CG: I WILL TAKE THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE A FUCKING RETARD AND ASK AGAIN:  
CG: WHY?  
CC: Vriska doesnt want you on t)(e team.  
CC: At least not yet!  
CG: WHAT???????????  
CG: I AM AN INVALUABLE PLAYER AND VRISKA KNOWS IT.  
CG: WHAT KIND OF SHITTY LEADER IS SHE ANYWAY? NO ONE CAN TAKE HER MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT.  
CG: SHE COULD’NT LEAD ANYONE OUT OF A FUCKING PAPER BAG WITH A MAP AND A COMPASS.  
CC: I AGR---E------E WIT)( YOU!!!  
CC: Not aboat Vriska being a bad leader but aboat you being an invaluable player!!  
CC: Im sure that if you talk wit)( her shell let you join!  
CG: CUT IT OUT.  
CG: I’M GOING TO JOIN THE OTHER TEAM AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF VRISKA AND HER TEAM OF BUFFOONS.  
CC: You cant do t)(at!  
CC: Equius is t)(e leader of t)(e blue team!  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: THE.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: THE HEMOSPECTRUM-LOVING PIECE OF SHIT THAT TREATS ANYONE WITH BLOOD LOWER THAN GREEN LIKE DIRT SCRAPPED FROM THE SOLE OF HIS SHOES? THE GUY WHO SPENDS HIS TIME GAZING LOVINGLY AT PICTURES OF NUDE HOOFBEASTS AND CALLING THAT ART? THE GUY SO STRONG AND VIOLENT THAT HE HAS TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF INVINCIBLE ROBOTS TO RELAX? THE GUY WITH SO MANY KINKS AND FETISHES THAT HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HIM IS LIKE WALKING IN A FIELD FULL OF FUCKING LANDMINES?  
CG: THIS GUY. IS A TEAM LEADER?  
CG: EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

> Karkat: Troll the spider8itch.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidGrips [AG]

CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.  
CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES THIS IS A HUMONGOUS DEAL SORT OF NEWS.  
AG: Karkaaaaaaaat!  
AG: What an unexpected pleasure. ::::)  
CG: STOP WITH THE CUTESY BULLSHIT, VRISKA.  
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.  
CG: THAT'S ME.  
CG: I'M THE LEADER.  
AG: Just so you and your kismesis can turn this game into the next stage of your gross rivalry?  
AG: I don’t think soooooooo!  
CG: IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT EQUIUS.  
CG: YOU WOULD MAKE A PISS POOR LEADER AND YOU KNOW IT.  
AG: Is this a way to speak with a lady, dearest?  
CG: SORRY  
CG: YOU MADE ME TYPE THAT.  
AG: You resist8 it 8etter than you used to.  
AG: Keep it up and you may one day 8ecome strong-willed. ;;;;)  
CG: I ALREADY AM.  
CG: I DON’T NEED YOU AND YOUR DUBIOUS HELP, VRISKA.  
AG: Reaaaaaaaally????????  
AG: Right now you are as unfit to 8e a leader as me!!!!!!!!  
AG: Who would want a leader who is so insecure he can’t even face his own 8lood color? It’s a miracle you even have a kismesis with all the h8 that you throw at yourself!  
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF, VRISKA.  
CG: I HATE YOU MORE THAN I EVER HATED MYSELF.  
CG: YOU LIKE TO PRETEND YOU’RE A BIG DEAL WITH YOUR VISION EIGHTFOLD, YOUR IRONS IN THE FIRE, YOUR SHITTY DESTINY AND YOUR EVEN SHITTIER FLARPING COSTUME BUT, IN THE END, YOU’RE JUST A PETTY MURDERER WITH A SOB BACKSTORY.  
CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO TUCK YOU IN AT NIGHT TO MAKE UP FOR YOU BIG SCARY LUSUS?  
CG: AND AT LEAST I HAVE A KISMESIS WHILE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TRUE HATRED IS.  
CG: WITH YOU WATERED-DOWN AGGRESSIVITY TOWARD EVERYONE, I DON’T THINK YOU WILL EVER BE CAPABLE OF FEELING IT.  
CG: THAT’S HOW BROKEN YOU ARE.  
CG: AS FOR YOUR REDROM POTENTIAL? IT’S LAUGHABLE.  
CG: A TROLL CAPABLE OF EVER PITYING YOU IN A CONCUPISCENT WAY WOULD HAVE TO BE THE SINGLE GREATEST IMBECILE IN ALL OF ALTERNIA.  
AG: I’m glad you know you’re an idiot, then!  
CG: WAIT.  
CG: MY LOVE  
CG: YOU DID IT AGAIN.  
AG: Surely keeping someone as pathetic as me out of your mind should 8rook no challenge for the gr8 Karkat Vantas!!!!!!!!  
AG: Oh 8ut you can’t, right?  
AG: 8ecause you are nothing 8ut a snot-nosed 8rat who has led a cushy life.  
AG: 1/8 of the things I had to face in my life would have left you a weepy mess.  
AG: You are weak.  
AG: 8ut I will make you strong if I have to 8reak every 8one in your 8ody.  
CG: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A THREAT?  
CG: I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU.  
AG: You’re not a coward, I have to give you this.  
AG: There is a potential for gr8ness in you. If there hadn’t 8een, I wouldn’t have chosen you.  
AG: I would acknowledge you as a leader if you could do one small thing.  
CG: QUICK, TELL ME WHAT IT IS SO THAT I CAN TELL YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF.  
AG: You know what I want.  
CG: GOD NO.  
CG: YOUR OBSESSION ABOUT MY BLOOD COLOR IS LITERALLY THE WORST THING ABOUT YOUR CREEPY CRUSH ON ME, AND THAT’S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT TO KNOW MY BLOOD COLOR? YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM.  
AG: Your 8lood color itself is irrelevant.  
AG: I’m trying to free you from your fears.  
AG: I’m even willing to swear I won’t share your secret with anyone.  
AG: See, I let you take gru8 steps. How kind of me.  
CG: MY BLOOD COLOR ISN’T ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine! Have it your way!  
AG: I will find out in a way that will probably 8e highly unpleasant for you.  
AG: You always have to make things complic8ed, Karkat.  
CG: THAT’S RICH COMING FROM YOU.  
CG: YOUR THINKPAN HAS SO MANY CIRCONVOLUTIONS THAT IT MUST BE A FUCKING LABYRINTH.  
CG: ANYWAY I’M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOUR NEFARIOUS PLANS TO FIND OUT MY BLOOD COLOR.  
CG: AS I SAID BEFORE, I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU.  
CG: THE ONLY THING I WANT FROM YOU IS LEADERSHIP OF THE RED TEAM AND I INTEND TO TAKE IT.  
AG: Ready and willing to impose your will?  
AG: I like that in a troll. ::::)  
AG: Very well, you can have it.  
AG: I couldn’t care less a8out 8eing team leader anyway.  
CG: GLAD TO SEE YOU ARE BOWING DOWN TO THE INEVITABLE.  
CG: CARE TO BE MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND?  
AG: Yessssssss.  
AG: We will have so much fun together, Karkat.  
CG: THIS IS MORE FRIGTHENING THAT ANY OF YOUR HALF-BAKED THREATS ABOUT MY PHYSICAL INTEGRITY.  
AG: As it should 8e ::::)  
CG: SO FILL ME IN, LOWLY SECOND.  
AG: As the leader, you will 8e first to enter the game 8y running the client application.

arachnidGrips [AG] has sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file “SGRUB CLIENT.~ATH”

AG: This application will allow you to connect to me as I run the server application.  
AG: As 8efits my place, I will enter second with Tavros as my server.  
AG: Feferi will enter last 8ecause of her lusus and you will 8e her server to close the chain.  
AG: So 8asically we need two more trolls to complete the team.  
CG: I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.  
CG: YOU CAN ESTABLISH YOUR CONNECTION AND DO TRIVIAL SIDEKICK STUFF IN THE MEANTIME.  
CG: BYE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidGrips [AG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidGrips [AG]

AG: Leaving so soon, are we? ::::)  
AG: One last word of advice, Karkat...  
AG: 8eware the spider’s love 8ite!  
AG: <3

arachnidGrips [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Every time you speak, it always ends up like this: half insults and threats and half redrom flirting. All this quadrant vacillation is making you dizzy. Or perhaps it’s only Vriska’s multiple mind-controlling attempts that make your thinkpan hurts.

You don’t even know while you’re still talking to her. You must truly be an idiot. The biggest fool on Alternia.

> Be someone totally unrelated with this shitstorm of a relationship.

You are now ARADIA MEGIDO.

You used to have a great interest in ARCHEOLOGY. You followed the example of your role model, the dashing TROLL INDIANA JONES, by going on adventures to DISCOVER THE TREASURES OF THE PAST.

One fateful night, while you were EXPLORING MYSTIC RUINS, you found your TRUE CALLING: planning for the game that you would end the world.

As both a SEER and a HERO OF TIME, your powers allow you to see all kind of possibilities. You must tread very carefully to avoid you and your friends’ UNTIMELY DOOM.

Time to make sure everything is going according to plan.

> Aradia: Troll TA.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: hi sollux!  
AA: you and equius have set up the blue team?  
TA: ye2.  
TA: EQ accepted all but one of my 2ugge2tiion2.  
TA: he doe2nt want gamzee on the team.  
AA: i knew he wouldnt  
TA: are we doiing the riight thiing, AA?  
AA: if by the right thing you mean the only thing that doesnt end in our death  
AA: then were definitely doing the right thing!  
AA: do not fret sollux  
AA: pulling the plug on this game would only create another doomed timeline  
AA: it would not save the world  
AA: nothing can  
TA: you told me a2 much a thou2and time2, AA.  
TA: iit doe2nt make the voiice2 any quiieter.  
AA: the voices of the dead have also grown louder as the great undoing approaches  
AA: i perfectly understand your plight sollux  
AA: but if i cant save the world at least i will save my friends!  
TA: can ii a2k you for a favour?  
AA: depends on the favour  
TA: ii made thii2 game but you are the true mastermiind behiind iit.  
TA: can you keep gamzee 2afe?  
TA: ii told hiim he wa2 goiing two diie.  
TA: he wa2 2o 2toned he diidnt even lii2ten.  
AA: dont worry about gamzee!  
AA: he is also my friend and i wont let him die  
AA: you can rest easy about him at least  
TA: much obliiged, AA.  
TA: ii wiill go 2peak wiith NP and tell her about the game.  
TA: bye.  
AA: bye

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]


	4. Auspisticism

> Be Nepeta again.

Enough pointless characters and endless subplots, time to go back to the real story.

You are once again Nepeta Leijion and you are waiting for your friend Sollux to get back to you with the exciting new game that you are going to play with all your friends!

Speaking of Sollux, he’s finally trolling you!

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

TA: ready to play now?  
AC: :33 < ready and willing mr captor!  
TA: do you miind beiing KN2 2erver?  
TA: youre her friend, riight?  
AC: :33 < i would be delighted to play with kanaya!  
AC: :33 < just tell me what to do!

twinArmageddons [TA] has sent arsenicCatnip [AC] the file “SGRUB SERVER.~ATH”.

twinArmageddons [TA] has sent arsenicCatnip [AC] the file “SGRUB CLIENT.~ATH”.

TA: u2e the fiir2t program to connect to KN and help her enter the mediium.  
AC: :33 < ok!  
AC: :33 < have you already entered yourself?  
TA: ye2.  
TA: iim iin my land riight now.  
AC: :33 < what does it looks like? :-)  
TA: iit2 ugly a2 hell.  
TA: there are giiant2 floatiing braiin2 everywhere.  
TA: of course ii would be the guy with the ugliie2t and creepiie2t computer-generated land2cape.  
AC: :33 < you s33m a little bit down, sollux.  
AC: :33 < is everything okay?  
TA: everything ii2 fuckiing peachy, NP.  
TA: EQ wiill be here 2hortly and kiill me wiith one bone-cru2hiing hug whiile hii2 moiiraiil watche2 wiith an iicy dii2approviing 2tare.  
AC: :33 < wouldnt kanaya pacify equius if things got out of hand?  
TA: ii wouldnt count on her.  
TA: EQ liike2 her well enough but he hardly li2ten2 to her.  
TA: theiir moiirallegiiance 2eems more an exercii2e iin fru2tratiion than anythiing el2e.  
AC: :33 < how can you be so mean, sollux? >:[  
AC: :33 < dissing kanaya’s moirallegiance like that!  
TA: iim 2orry NP.  
TA: there ii2 no love lo2t between KN and me.  
AC: :33 < did she do anything to warrant that?  
TA: 2he2 done nothing.  
TA: 2he ii2nt even iimpoliite.  
TA: but ii can clearly feel 2he dii2liike2 me.  
AC: :33 < kanaya is one of the most level-headed troll i know!  
AC: :33 < why would she dislike you?  
TA: why dont you ask her?  
TA: youre her friend.  
TA: be2iide2 ii dont want to fiight wiith her.  
TA: EQ ii2 2crewed up enough wiithout hii2 two redrom partner2 fiightiing.  
AC: :33 < is this an ashen proposal, sollux?  
TA: maybe?  
TA: ii dont know.  
TA: just talk to her and get back to me a2ap.  
AC: :33 < youve got a lot of nerve putting me on the spot like that, mr captor!  
TA: shit  
TA: ive got to g

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

You are sure your cheeks are flushed olive. Sollux is so brazen, propositioning you like that! You almost hope Equius will crush every bone in his body.

> Nepeta: Troll Kanaya. 

Time to hear her side of the story.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AC: :33 < *the enthusiastic kitten bounds into view and gr33ts her friend kanaya*  
AC: :33 < *she says “ive been chosen to be your server player!”*  
GA: Hello Nepeta  
GA: I Am Most Glad It Is You  
GA: Im Afraid I Am Not The Most Technology-Oriented Of Troll  
GA: And As Mr Captor Failed To Provide Any Kind Of Explanation I Am Currently Still Installing The Client Application  
AC: :33 < its ok!  
AC: :33 < im still installing the server as well  
AC: :33 < things didnt go well with sollux?  
GA: I Guess He Must Have Complained To You About Me  
GA: Did He Not  
AC: :33 < if he had, it wouldnt be right to repeat it to you!  
GA: I Am Glad To Hear That  
GA: Since It Means My Confidences Will Be As Well-kept  
GA: I Have No Personal Grudge Against Mr Captor  
GA: Yet I Do Not Think He Is A Good Match For My Moirail  
GA: This Has Nothing To Do With His Blood Color  
GA: You Know I Dont Care About That  
GA: But There Is A Definite Unbalance In Their Affections  
GA: Equius Is Besotted With Him Dangerously So  
GA: He Already Has A Kismesis To Make His Blood Boil  
GA: His Matesprit Should Help Keep Him Grounded Not Make Him More Conflicted  
GA: As For Mr Captors Feelings He Hardly Seems To Pity Equius At All  
AC: :33 < well thats a lot of words!  
AC: :33 < i dont know about equius f33lings but im purretty sure youre wrong about solluxs  
GA: Am I  
AC: :33 < he doesnt show it purrhaps he doesnt even know it but i think he pities equius in his own way!  
AC: :33 < anyway its up to equius to decide who he wants to purrsue for his flushed quadrant so you have to learn to endure sollux at least  
GA: I Know  
GA: This Is Why I Would Like To Formally Request You As Our Auspistice  
GA: If Both You And Mr Captor Are Amenable Of Course  
AC: :33 < really?  
GA: Of Course  
GA: Being Friends To Both Of Us You Wont Favor One Over The Other  
GA: Your Pleasant Manners Makes You Easy To Confide In And You Are A Good Listener  
GA: You Have Shown Both Discretion And Acuteness In The Matter Of The Heart  
GA: I See None More Suited For The Job  
AC: :33 < you sure know how to speak with a girl, kanaya!  
GA: You Dont Have To Reply Right Now Of Course  
GA: But I Would Like You To Consider It  
AC: :33 < the installation is over!  
AC: :33 < i can see you kanaya!  
AC: :33 < i can see your hive!  
AC: :33 < its very purretty  
GA: Thank You  
GA: I Do Try Hard To Decorate  
AC: :33 < so which device should i deploy first?

Let’s leave these lovely ladies to their friendly talk.

Time to be someone else!

> Be one of the six trolls that still haven’t been formally introduced.

You are TAVROS NITRAM. 

You loved FAIRY TALES AND FANTASY STORIES until your moirail told that such FAKEY-FAKE BULLSHIT was for wrigglers, not grown trolls. You threw away all your old posters and replaced them by pictures of YOUR AWESOME ADVENTURES WITH YOUR MOIRAIL.

You used to be pretty good at CARD GAMES like Fiduspawn but it’s another thing you grew out of. Now, you only play DANGEROUS AND EXTREMELY MANLY GAMES like Flarp.

You don’t believe in FAIRIES because they AREN’T REAL. You don’t need to believe in imaginary things anymore. Your self-esteem is real, and so is your best friend, and they’re both called Vriska Serket. You believe in her and in yourself, a little. So that’s okay.

Speaking of Vriska, you are currently observing her progress on your screen. She is slaying imps like there’s no tomorrow, quickly advancing towards her first gate. 

Soon a server player that Karkat has picked for you will contact you. Soon you will be able to join her. Soon but not now.

Looks like someone trolling you! 

Unfortunately, it’s not your yet-unknown server player but one of your other friends, Feferi! She’s probably as impatient as you to enter the Medium!

> Tavros: Answer Feferi.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

CC: )(---ELLO!  
CC: Glub glub glub!  
AT: hI,  
CC: I AM SO BOR------ED!!!  
CC: You )(avent joined t)(e game yet, )(ave you?  
CC: I t)(oug)(t Id )(it you up so we could be bored toget)(er!  
AT: nO,  
AT: i’M STILL WAITING FOR MY SERVER,  
AT: i UNDERSTAND THE WAIT CAN BE,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: fRUSTRATING,  
CC: Can I ask you somefin a little bit indiscreet, Tavros?  
AT: uHHHH,  
AT: sURE,  
CC: Do you know )(ow Vriska feels about Karcrab?  
CC: If s)(e told you to keep it secret, you dont )(ave to say anyfin of course!  
CC: But I just dont know w)(at to do!!!  
CC: -Every time I talk to )(er aboat it, s)(e clams up!  
CC: And Karcrab denies being )(er matesprit but )(es awfully cagey aboat it!  
AT: sHE HASN’T TOLD ME ABOUT HER FEELINGS,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: sHE TALKS ABOUT HIM A LOT,  
AT: aBOUT WHAT SHE SEES IN HIM,  
AT: wHAT SHE ENVISIONS FOR HIM,  
AT: fOR THEM,  
AT: aND,  
AT: i THINK SHE REALLY PITIES HIM,  
CC: oh  
CC: But s)(e )(asnt told you s)(e was flus)(ed for )(im, right?  
AT: uHH,  
AT: nO,  
CC: So youre not sure?  
AT: uHH,  
AT: i GUESS,  
AT: i’M NOT SURE,  
CC: As long as t)(ey arent officially toget)(er, I wont give up on Karcrab!  
CC: ----EV-----ER!!!  
AT: bUT,  
AT: iF THEY WERE TOGETHER,  
AT: yOU WOULD GIVE UP?  
CC: OF COURS----E!!!  
CC: Thats a sealy question, Tavros!! 38D  
CC: Vriska is my friend.  
CC: W)(at kind of friend would I be if I tried to steal )(er matesprit?  
AT: i WISHED i COULD BE MORE LIKE YOU, fEFERI,  
CC: W)(Y?  
AT: wHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: yOU LET NOTHING GET YOU DOWN,  
AT: yOU DO NOT GIVE UP EASILY,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: iF YOU DO GIVE UP,  
AT: iT IS OUT OF KINDNESS, nOT COWARDICE,  
CC: 38D  
CC: T)(ats a very nice compliment, Tavros!  
CC: T)(ANKS!!!  
CC: Youre t)(inking about giving up?  
AT: uHHHHH,  
AT: sHE CLEARY DOESN’T SHARE MY FEELINGS,  
AT: sO, uHHH,  
CC: NONS----ENS----E!  
CC: )(ave you given )(er your present?  
AT: nOT YET,  
AT: kANAYA HAS FINISHED IT,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: wE WERE THINKING OF A WAY FOR HER TO SEND IT TO ME,  
AT: i SUPPOSE,  
AT: tHE GAME WILL MAKE THAT EASIER,  
CC: You definitely s)(oudnt give up until you give it to )(er!  
CC: )(ey.  
CC: Want to know my secret for seeing t)(ings positively?  
AT: yES,  
CC: ITS ALL IN T)(----E GLUBBING!!!  
AT: uHH,  
AT: tHE GLUBBING,  
CC: Y-----ES!!!  
CC: If Im depressed.  
CC: If t)(ings look )(opeless.  
CC: I just glub a little to my friends and the world gets brigt)(er!  
CC: Glub glub glub!!!  
CC: TRY IT!  
AT: uHHHH,  
AT: gLUB,  
AT: gLUB, gLUB,  
AT: i FEEL BETTER ALREADY,  
CC: S----EA!!  
CC: IT WORKS! 38D  
AT: }:)  
AT: tHANKS, fEFERI,  
AT: fOR BEING SUCH A GOOD FRIEND,  
CC: YOUR---E W---ELCOM-E!  
AT: uHHHH,  
AT: lOOKS LIKE MY SERVER PLAYER IS TROLLING ME,  
AT: i THINK I WILL HAVE TO GO,  
AT: aND PLAY THIS GAME,  
AT: i’M SORRY,  
CC: No biggie.  
CC: Go swiftly and safely, Tavros!  
CC: ILL S---EA YOU SOON!  
CC: BY--------------E!  
AT: bYE,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya, you little minx, luring Nepeta in your ashen quadrant! ^^
> 
> I hadn't planned to put ashen romance in this fic but... I hadn't planned writing a multi-chaptered Homestuck fic in English either, so to hell with it!
> 
> The Tavros/Feferi pairing jumped on me with its adorableness. If you want to picture the glubbing scene, imagine Feferi doing some sort of Hakuna Matata under water with friendly sea creatures.


	5. Subjugglator

> Be someone very insignificant. 

You are now GAMZEE MAKARA. 

You like the same TIRED OLD CLOWN SHTICK than in canon. Insert here one paragraph of blathering about the MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS. 

What you also like is chatting with your friends. You have a lot of GREAT FRIENDS. In fact, it’s been a while since you’ve last enquired about YOUR BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND.

> Gamzee: Troll best motherfucking friend. 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TC: wHaT iS uUuUuP mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR?  
TA: oh god not you.  
TC: HoW iS mY bEsT mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD?  
TA: EQ and ii fiinii2hed the liineup for the blue team.  
TA: and youre not on iit.  
TC: nO bIg DeAl, BrO.  
TC: I kNoW yOu DiD yOuR bEsT tO tAlK mE uP tO yOuR rEdPaL.  
TA: 2o youre ok wiith iit?  
TC: dOn’T ThInK i DoN’t ApPrEcIaTe AlL tHe TrOuBlEs YoU WeNt Up AnD aLl AbOuT tO tAkE mE oN yOuR tEaM.  
TC: BuT yOu DoN’t HaVe To FeEl BaD fOr Me.  
TC: bEsT fRiEnD.  
TA: dont you realiize, gamzee?  
TA: the world ii2 endiing!  
TA: iif you dont play the game, youre a 2liice of liightly 2iinged grubloaf.  
TA: how can you be 2o calm about thii2?  
TA: and dont an2wer me  
TC: mIrAcLeS.  
TC: mIrAcLeS iS wHaT.  
TA: 2hut the hell up!  
TA: iim 2iick of your faiith iin “miiracle2”!  
TA: iin what way do ii have to tell you thii2 to get iit through your thiick 2kull?  
TA: you are goiing to diie.  
TC: i’M nOt GoInG tO dIe.  
TC: YoU gOtTa HaVe A lItTle FaItH iN tHe WoRlD, mAn.  
TC: mIrAcLeS aRe EvErYwHeRe.  
TA: really?  
TA: and how are you goiing to 2urviive?  
TA: EQ doe2nt want you on the blue team.  
TA: VK ii2 the leader of the red team and 2he loathe2 weakne22.  
TA: 2he wont take on a 2opor-addled clown a2 a chariity ca2e.  
TA: wake up, gamzee!  
TA: youre a biig fat honkiing liiabiiliity!  
TC: hOnK  
TA: and he2 jokiing about iit.  
TA: my thiinkpan already hurt2, ii don’t need your particular brand of iidiiocy riight now.  
TC: ArE tHe VoIcEs TrOuBlInG yOu, BrOtHeR?  
TA: the voiice2?  
TA: they are 2o loud it2 liike my thiinkpan ii2 2pliitiing iin half.  
TC: ThAt AiN’t RiGhT.  
TC: a RiGtHeOuS bRoThEr CaN’t GeT HiS rEsT On WiThOuT MoThErFuCkIn VoIcEs BeInG aLl Up In HiS hEaD.  
TC: bUt YoU dOn’T hEaR mY vOiCe, BrO, dO yOu? :o)  
TA: fiir2t ii would liike to 2ay ii am iin awe that youre actually able to u2e 2ome ba2iic logiic.  
TA: but that doe2nt mean anythiing.  
TA: there are miilliion2 voiice2, ii cant piick out one.  
TC: YoU’rE nOt HeArInG mE bEcAuSe I’m NoT oUt ThErE, mAn.  
TC: ThE mIrThFuL MeSsIaHs aReN’t DoNe WiTh My WiCkEd SeLf.  
TC: ThE dArK cArNiVaL sTiLl aWaIts ItS bEsT MoThErFuCkIn DiScIpLe.  
TA: now youre not makiing any 2en2e.  
TA: iill better leave you to your 2tupiid delu2iion2.  
TA: may they be 2ome comfort to you when the reckoniing arriive2.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

Your best bro has such a negative outlook on life. You wish you had a way to show him how beautiful life is.

You space out watching all the pretty colors on the screen of your husktop. A new Trollian window opens before your slightly glazed eyes. It seems another one of your good friend is eager to get her talk on with you!

> Gamzee: Answer AA.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

AA: hello gamzee.  
AA: how are you?  
TC: EvErYtHiNg’S bItChTiTs AwEsOmE, mY wIcKeDeSt Of RuStSiStEr.  
AA: how are your dreams?  
TC: sTiLl As MoThErFuCkIn CoNfUsINg.  
TC: I dReAm Of A rOoM oF rEd AnD pUrPlE.  
TC: I’m As ChIlL aS fUcK, BaKiNg MySeLf a PiE aNd GoBbLiNg DoWn SoMe WiCkEd ElIxIr.  
TC: BUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN WHISPERS IN MY HEAD WON’T STAY MOTHERFUCKIN QUIET.  
TC: I DoN’T kNoW iF tHeY aRe ThE mEsSiAhS bUt ThEy ArEn’T mIrThFuLl.  
TC: hOnK.  
AA: they arent messiahs.  
AA: they are dark gods of the furthest ring  
AA: and they plague your dreams as they do for all derse dreamers  
TC: tHe SoPoR cAnNoT qUiTe DUlL tHeIr VoIcEs, sIs.  
TC: aNd WhEn I lIsTeN tO tHeIr DaRk WhIsPeRiNgs, It SeEmS i CaN aLmOsT rEmEmBeR  
TC: MY TRUE MOTHERFUCKING SELF.  
AA: and what is your true self, gamzee?  
AA: gamzee?  
TC: sOrRy, SiS, i JuSt ZoNeD oUt. :o)  
AA: it is unfortunate that your dream self is already awake, even if unaware of himself  
AA: the horrorterrors can do a number on the sanest of player  
AA: and with your violent highblood instincts you are not the most stable of player!  
AA: no offense meant  
TC: nOnE tAkEn, SiS.  
TC: BuT i DoN’t KnOw If I wIlL pLaY tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiN gAmE.  
TC: mY bRo SoLlUx wAs AlL gEtTiNg hIs WoRrY oN aBoUt Me NoT bEiNg On HiS tEaM.  
AA: he told me as much  
AA: but he should not worry  
AA: you were destined to be a player since the beginning of your existence  
TC: YoU sPeAk AbOuT fATe A lOt, My MoThErFuCkIn UpRiGhT sIs.  
TC: iT sOuNdS a LoT lIkE  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN MiRaClEs.  
AA: i dont know  
AA: fate can make the impossible happen  
AA: but miracles are deeply positive by definition  
AA: while sometimes fate can be quite grim!  
AA: if i blather on like this ill turn into a hero of light! :)  
TC: fUcK yEaH, yOu CaN tAlK aS mUcH aS yOu WaNt.  
TC: A mOtHeRfUcKeR Is EnRaPtUrEd By ThE sWeEt SoUnDs CoMiNg OuT oF YoUr MoUtH.  
AA: if you like listening to me  
AA: then dont watch out of the windows  
AA: in your dreams  
TC: sUrE, sIs.  
TC: i PrOmIsE tO KeEp My WiCkEd SeLf AlL uP aNd ReMoVeD fRoM aLl ThE MoThErFuCkIn wInDoW sHaPeD oBjEcTs.  
AA: and try to listen to your rage  
TC: i DoN’t GeT yOu, SiSta.  
AA: every hero must strive to understand his aspect  
AA: you are the hero of rage the aspect that deals with negative emotions  
AA: therefore your quest will probably be about mastering your inner turmoil  
TC: AnD wHaT iF a MoThErFuCkEr CaN’t  
TC: control the rage?  
AA: then i will have to kill you  
AA: for the safety of all  
TC: YOU THINK YOU CAN MOTHERFUCKIN KILL ME, MOTHERFUCKER?  
AA: as a matter of fact i do  
AA: i am more acquainted with death that you will ever be  
TC: you have a lot of nerves, peasantblood.  
TC: I’LL MAKE YOU KNEEL AND THEN I’LL MAKE YOU SCREAM.  
AA: youre welcome to try  
AA: motherfucker  
TC: don’t you think a motherfucker can’t see what you’re playing at?  
TC: TRYING TO MAKE ME MOTHERFUCKIN ANGRY SO I’LL GO AFTER YOUR FIRST.  
TC: i’ll kill you last  
TC: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKIN KILL ALL THE TROLLS WHO EVER GAVE YOU THE TIME OF THE NIGHT.  
TC: then i’ll split your skull and use your blood for paint. :o)  
AA: if you think i am going to allow you within a mile of any of my friends youre even dumber than you look  
AA: ill put you down like a mad barkbeast before i let you rampage through our session  
AA: hopefully it wont have to come to that  
AA: gamzee will learn to control his rage  
TC: THE MOTHERFUCKER YOU CALL GAMZEE IS AN ILLUSION BROUGHT BY THE MOTHERFUCKIN SLIME.  
TC: i am what i was made out to be all along.  
TC: AREN’T YOU THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS ALL ABOUT DESTINY?  
AA: you are little more than a caricature  
AA: and i may be the troll who is big on fate  
AA: but gamzee always talks to me about faith  
AA: i think i will follow his example for once and believe in all my friends  
TC: yEaH, yOu GoT iT, sIs!  
TC: fRiEnDsHiP iS A mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLe!  
TC: wHaT wErE wE tAlKiNG aBoUt?  
TC: i’Ve MoThErFuCkIn SpAcEd OuT AgAiN.  
AA: we were talking about identity  
AA: nature versus nurture  
AA: faith versus fate  
TC: mAn ThAt’S sOmE dEeP sHiT.  
AA: i will have to go gamzee  
AA: remember about the windows  
AA: and the rage  
AA: i will keep an eye on you  
TC: yEaH, sIs, It’S lIkE yOu’Re My MoThErFuCkIn FaIrY gOdMoThEr.  
TC: Up AnD aLl WaTcHiNg OvEr Me.  
AA: :)  
AA: bye  
TC: GoOdByE, sWeEt RuStSiSteR.

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

> A little later…  
After the BARD OF BLOOD'S heroic arrival to the LAND OF PULSE AND HAZE...  
You are Karkat Vantas and you have been shirking your leaderly duties for too long. Tavros badly needs a server player. Time to start recruiting!

You consider carefully your chumproll.

Feferi.  
The total drama seadweller queen.  
A stoned clown.  
Equius.  
Spider8itch.  
Who’s that girl? Ah yeah, friend of Aradia. You don’t think you ever talked to her.  
Equius’ moirail.  
A roleplaying catgirl? You don’t really remember.  
You. Why are you on your own chumproll? Are you going to message yourself?  
Equius’ matesprit.  
Vriska’s weakling of a moirail.  
And... this girl. She might actually be a valuable addition to the team.

> Karkat: Contact Aradia Megido.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: HEY.  
CG: THERE’S A SPOT OPEN ON THE RED TEAM.  
CG: WANT IT?  
AA: yes  
CG: GOOD.  
CG: I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE OTHER TEAM WOULD HAVE ALREADY NABBED YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS GAME.  
CG: BUT THAT’S THEIR LOSS.  
AA: i was always meant to be on your team!  
AA: insofar as the team thing isnt absolutely meaningless  
AA: which it kinda is!  
CG: COULD YOU STOP SAYING VAGUE, SPOOKY THINGS?  
AA: yes sir! :)  
CG: OK, BRIEFING:  
CG: ME, VRISKA AND TAVROS ARE ALL PLAYING.  
CG: THE CONNECTION ORDER IS AT->AG->CG.  
CG: FEFERI IS ALSO PART OF THE TEAM BUT SHE WILL ENTER LAST BECAUSE OF HER MONSTRUOSITY OF A LUSUS.  
CG: I NEED SOMEONE TO CONNECT TO TOREASNORE RIGHT NOW.  
AA: ill do it  
CG: OK, YOU’VE GIVEN ME A SURPRISINGLY LITTLE AMOUNT OF SHIT SO FAR.  
CG: IN FACT, YOU ARE NOW THE FUCKING MODEL SUBORDINATE OF THE RED TEAM.  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS!  
CG: AS YOU MUSTN’T HAVE FAILED TO NOTICE, THE RED TEAM IS STILL ONE MEMBER SHORT.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MIGHT DO THE TRICK?  
CG: MY CHUMPROLL IS FULL OF IDIOTS AND YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE PALATABLE TROLL LEFT.  
AA: actually i know someone who will do very nicely!  
AA: hes a friend of both me and feferi.  
AA: and i think he has the potential to be one of the strongest player of the game!  
CG: THAT’S ACTUALLY FUCKING INESPERATE.  
CG: MY EXPECTATIONS WEREN’T SO HIGH.  
CG: GET THIS MIRACLE OF YOURS ON BOARD, WILL YOU?  
AA: with pleasure, boss! :)  
CG: AND STOP BEING SO GODDAMN CHEEKY.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


	6. MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND

> Be the Maid of Mind.

You are now TEREZI PYROPE, Alternian justice enthusiast, talented FLARPER, master manipulator and investigator extraordinaire. 

You are not the MAID OF MIND just yet as you still have to enter the Medium. You will be the last player of your team to do so.

Currently, you act as the server player to your best friend’s moirail Eridan Ampora. You’re sad to say Mr Ampora blatantly disregarded your advice and attacked some of his consorts. He can be such a handful!

But well, managing him is Nepeta’s job, not yours.

Speaking of Nepeta, it’s been a while since you haven’t spoken.

> Terezi: Troll Nepeta.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

GC: *GC 4RR1V3S 1N YOUR N3W L4ND 4ND L3TS OUT 4 M1GHTY RO4R*  
GC: WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N UP TO?  
GC: OOPS *SH3 4SK3D TH4T*  
AC: :33 < *ac jumps into the dragon’s lap and looks up to her friend’s mighty and fearsome visage*  
AC: :33 < im sorry for having neglected you!  
AC: :33 < ive been exploring my land  
AC: :33 < its really pawnsome!  
GC: BL4R!!  
GC: DONT APOLOG1Z3  
GC: WH4T DO3S YOUR L4ND LOOK L1K3?  
AC: :33 < there is sugar everywhere  
AC: :33 < and great big teapots that pour rivers of green tea  
AC: :33 < and the sky is the color of honeyed black tea!  
GC: SOUNDS D3L1C1OUS  
GC: 1T ALSO F1TS YOU V3RY W3LL  
GC: S1NC3 YOUR MOIR41L GOT THE L4ND OF SH1TTY SCULPTUR3S 4ND CR33PY 4NG3LS, 1 WOND3R WH4T TH4T S4YS 4BOUT H1M  
GC: H3H3  
AC: :33 < wait until you s33 your own land, missus!  
AC: :33 < i bet youll have the land of tortured plushies and sass!  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 THE GR34T3ST L4ND 3V3R  
AC: :33 < i cant wait until you enter!  
AC: :33 < you, me and eridan will have the most pawesome of adventures!  
GC: Y3S W3 W1LL  
GC: BUT SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT TH1S G4ME 1S TROUBL1NG M3  
AC: :33 < *ac furrows her brows worriedly*  
AC: :33 < you dont get worried about just anything terezi!  
AC: :33 < please tell me whats on your mind!  
GC: 1 W4S 4BOUT TO, S1LLY  
GC: YOU KNOW 1 K33P NOTH1NG FROM YOU  
GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY TROLL 1 TRUST  
AC: :33 < thats a nice compliment!  
AC: :33 < but one i cannot return!  
GC: YOU 4R3 TOO TRUST1NG, N3P3TA  
AC: :33 < i also have very good trolls to watch over me! :)  
GC: >:]  
GC: TO COM3 B4CK TO TH3 M4TT3R 4T H4ND  
GC: I H4V3 NOT1C3D TH4T TH3 4PP34R4NC3 OF OUR S3SS1ON’S UND3RL1NGS DO3SNT QU1T3 M4TCH OUR PROTOTYP3S  
GC: SOM3 1MPS H4VE CR4B-L1KE P1NC3RS, 31GHT 3Y3S, T1NY W1NGS  
GC: OR R4M HORNS  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW 4LL TH3 LUS1 OF TH3 R3D T34M M3MB3RS BUT 1M SUR3 TH4T 4R4D14S LUSUS 1S 4 R4M  
GC: W4S 4 R4M  
AC: :33 < so our session is affected by the other team’s prototypes?  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
GC: TH3 L1K3L13ST 3XPL4N4T1ON 1S TH4T TH3R3 1S ONLY ON3 S3SS1ON  
AC: :33 < but we have established two separate connection chains!  
AC: :33 < and you have not yet entered!  
AC: :33 < what if you cant? :-(  
GC: 4S 1 S41D, TH1S 1S 3XTR3MLY TROUBL1NG  
GC: TH3 WHOL3 PURPOS3 OF TH1S G4M3 COULD B3 QU1T3 D1FF3R3NT FROM WH4T W3 THOUGHT  
AC: :33 < you should talk about this with aradia!  
AC: :33 < if anyone knows its her!  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW 1F SH3 W1LL T3LL M3 TH3 TRUTH  
GC: 4 GOOD L3G1SL3R4TOR KNOWS HOW TO R3COGN1Z3 D3C31T WH3N SH3 S33S 1T  
GC: 4ND M1SS M3G1DO R33KS OF 1T!  
AC: :33 < i thought you two were as thick as thieves!  
AC: :33 < you made a super cool vigilante duo!  
AC: :33 < they called you  
GC: TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS, 1 KNOW  
GC: 4ND 4R4D14 1S MY FR13ND  
GC: BUT SH3S 4LSO V3RY S1NGL3-M1ND3D  
AC: :33 < i think thats why youre furiends! :)  
GC: H3H3  
GC: 1 S3RV3 JUST1C3  
GC: 4R4D14 S3RV3S  
GC: N3C3SS1TY  
AC: :33 < i still think you should talk to her!  
AC: :33 < purrhaps she will tell you the truth because youre her furiend!  
GC: BL4R, SO OPT1M1STIC  
AC: :33 < if you dont talk to her i will!  
AC: :33 < your neck is on the line remember!  
GC: DONT G3T BOSSY  
GC: 1 PROM1S3 1 W1LL T4LK TO H3R  
AC: :33 < good  
AC: :33 < and i am very glad aradia is not actually malevolent  
AC: :33 < dont you go repeat that to anyone but eridan has a flushcrush on her!  
GC: TH4TS HIL4R1OUS  
GC: 3R1D4N 4ND 4R4D14  
GC: 3R1D4N ROM4NC1NG 4R4D14  
GC: B3TW33N H3R 4ND TH3 MURD3ROUS CONSORTS, YOUR MO1R41L H4S QU1T3 TH3 P3NCH4NT FOR 3XTR3M3 D1FF1CULTY  
AC: :33 < what do you mean “murderous consorts”?  
GC: 3R1D4N 4TT4CK3D H1S CONSORTS 4ND NOW, TH3YR3 TRY1NG TO K1LL H1M  
AC: WHAT  
GC: H3S NOT 1N D4NG3R  
GC: 1N F4CT H3S DO1NG PR3TTY W3LL  
AC: :33 < the hell hes doing fine!  
AC: :33 < im going to help my idiot moirail  
AC: :33 < and you are going straight talking to aradia!  
AC: :33 < you think im the naive innocent one who n33ds protection but i swear half the time i have to k33p you both out of trouble  
GC: H3H3 

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

People think Nepeta is harebrained and harmless but she is actually quite fierce! You wouldn’t like her if she weren’t.

You better talk to Aradia straightaway or else she will find out and chew you out for it later.

> Terezi: Troll Aradia.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: H3Y   
AA: hello terezi   
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3R3 1S ONLY ON3 S3SS1ON   
GC: 4M 1 R1GHT?   
AA: i should have expected the hero of mind to notice!   
AA: i would have told you soon anyway   
AA: to connect the two teams and properly close the connection loop the first player of each time has to connect with the last player of the other team   
AA: hence your server player will be karkat   
AA: and equius will bring feferi into the medium   
GC: TH1S CONN3CT1ON LOOP 1S K1ND4 LOPS1D3D   
GC: L1K3 SOM3 SORT OF MOB1US DOUBL3 R3ACH4ROUND   
AA: this is an apt metaphor :)   
GC: 1 DONT C4R3 1F TH3R3 1S ON3 T34M 1NST34D OF TWO   
GC: 4ND K4RK4T C4N H4RDLY B3 MOR3 H4T3FUL TH4N EQU1US   
GC: HOW3V3R 1 MUST B3 SUR3 H3 W1LL DO TH3 JOB   
GC: 4S 4 FR13ND R3M1ND3D M3, MY L1F3 1S ON TH3 L1N3 H3R3   
AA: i will convince karkat to act as your server   
AA: you may not believe it but i wont let you die terezi   
GC: BL4R!!!   
GC: 1 DONT WANT TO PUT YOUR 1NT3NT1ONS TO THE TR14L JUST Y3T   
GC: BUT YOUR3 PL4Y1NG 4 D4NG3ROUS G4M3, 4R4D14   
AA: we all are   
GC: K4RK4T M4Y L1ST3N TO YOU BUT WH4T 4BOUT 3QU1US?   
AA: he will never let the heiress die   
GC: 1 M34NT 4FT3R   
GC: ON3 T34M M34NS ON3 L34D3R   
GC: K4RK4T 4ND 3QU1US 4RE K1SM3S1S   
GC: 1 3XP3CT TH3Y W1LL F1GHT 1T OUT   
AA: karkat is the leader   
AA: he who enters first is always leader   
AA: he will have to make equius yield   
AA: i will provide any help necessary   
GC: 1 DONT C4RE WHO 1S TH3 STUP1D L34D3R 1 JUST W4NT TO PL4Y TH1S G4M3   
AA: feferi is currently helping gamzee enter the medium   
AA: as soon as hes in karkat will connect to you   
AA: that i swear   
GC: 1 S3NS3 S1NC3R1TY 1N YOUR WORDS   
GC: BUT 1 W1LL HOLD YOU TO TH1S PROM1S3, M1SS M3G1DO!   
AA: and i intend to keep it!   
AA: do you think the hours we spent flarping together meant nothing to me?   
AA: i loved going on adventures with you chasing miscreants   
GC: ORCH3STR4T1NG TH3 D3M1S3 OF TH3 W1CK3D   
AA: yes   
AA: i am sick and tired of this game for all i must play it   
AA: i long for one of our old flarping campaign   
GC: BUT S1NC3 W3 4R3 ON TH3 S4M3 T3AM 4FT3R 4LL W3 W1LL B3 4BL3 TO GO 4DV3NTUR1NG TOG3TH3R 1N TH3 M3D1UM   
GC: 3XPLOR1NG OUR PL4N3TS   
GC: SOLV1NG W31RD PUZZL3 SH1T   
AA: the scourge sisters live?   
GC: TH3Y DO   
AA: thanks terezi :)   
AA: i will go speak with karkat right away   
AA: bye   
GC: BY3

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

> Meanwhile, in the past...

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidGrips [AG]

CG: YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT.   
CG: TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.   
CG: HINT: THERE ARE MORE HOLES IN MY HIVE THAN WALLS.   
AG: Come oooooooon, I’m still learning how to use the interface!   
CG: YOU THREW ALMOST ALL OF MY FURNITURE OUT OF THE WINDOWS.   
AG: I call that clever management of space.   
AG: Some of the devices I have to deploy are huge and they cost a lot of grist to move around.   
CG: WHAT’S THAT NOISE?   
AG: Oooooooops, my finger slipped! ::::)   
CG: YOU KILLED MY LUSUS.   
CG: YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING KILLED MY LUSUS.   
CG: CALL ME AN IDIOT BUT I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT OF YOU.   
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT.   
AG: Would you 8elieve me if I said it was an accident?   
CG: I AM NOT THAT GULLIBLE.   
CG: YOU SAID YOU WOULD FIND OUT MY BLOOD COLOR IN A WAY I WOULD FIND UNPLEASANT.   
CG: AND LESS THAN AN HOUR AFTER, MY LUSUS LIES IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD, BLUDGEONED TO DEATH BY A WEIRD BULGY OBJECT.   
AG: It’s called a cruxtruder.   
CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE TROLL FUCKING SHERLOCK HOLMES TO CONNECT THE DOTS.   
AG: Fiiiiiiiine, it wasn’t totally an accident!   
AG: 8ut your lusus would have died even if I hadn’t killed it.   
AG: It’s an inevita8le part of the game.   
AG: I’ve actually done you a favor 8y giving him a quick, merciful death!   
AG: And now I will 8ring him 8ack to life by putting his 8ody into your kernelsprite.   
AG: Hint: the kernelsprite is the or8 that the cruxtruder released.   
CG: IT DOESN’T MATTER IF HE HAD TO DIE OR IF THE GAME CAN BRING HIM BACK.   
CG: YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT AND YOU KNOW IT.   
CG: YOU REALLY ARE A PSYCHOPATHIC BITCH.   
AG: I know what I am, Karkat.   
AG: And I know what you are: dead in six minutes!   
AG: Now hurry to carve your cruxite artefact 8efore the meteors toast your ungrateful ass!!!!!!!!   
AG: And, since you seem determined not to talk a8out the prover8ial trunk8east in the recreation 8lock, you have an interesting 8lood color.   
AG: I won’t tell anyone a8out it. It will 8e our little secret. ::::)   
CG: YOU REALISE I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS.   
AG: I’m thousands of miles away and shaking in my 8oots.   
AG: If only you had some way to reach me!   
AG: Aaaaaaaah right, the game!   
AG: You 8etter start clim8ing towards your second g8, sweetheart.   
AG: I will aw8 you with 8ated 8reath!  


arachnidGrips [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


	7. B100 B100d

> Be the joke character.

There is no joke character in Relationshipswitched! Every character is well-developed, deeply conflicted and highly significant to the plot. 

And few characters are more conflicted or more important than the Prince of Void.

> Be the Prince of Void. 

You are now EQUIUS ZAHNAK. 

You are conflicted because you believe with all your heart in THE SOCIAL ORDER. Yet, the troll you pity scraps the bottom of THE HEMOSPECTRUM while the one you platonically despise stands above you. That MAKES YOU FURIOUS.

Practically everything MAKES YOU FURIOUS. Sollux’s visible blood color and Karkat’s hidden one. Your shifty neighbour and your meddling moirail. The STRENGTH you cannot control and the BOWS YOU BREAK.

It’s hard being a freak. It’s hard and nobody understands.

You have two outlets for your rage: FIGHTING ROBOTS and TRADING BARBS with your kismesis on Trollian. Looks like it will be the later this time. 

> Equius: Answer your kismesis.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CG: HELLO, LOSER.  
CT: D --> Lowb100d  
CG: YOU ARE TALKING TO THE ONE WHO WILL OFFICIALLY HUMILIATE YOU IN THIS GAME OF SGRUB.  
CT: D --> I take it that Miss Serket made the most f001ish decision of taking you on her team  
CG: ACTUALLY, SHE SURRENDERED HER LEADERSHIP OF THE RED TEAM TO ME SINCE I AM WAY MORE QUALIFIED THAN HER FOR THE JOB.  
CT: D --> I didn’t think she could debase herself than much  
CT: D --> I most STRONGLY disapprove  
CG: AND WE MOST STRONGLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK.  
CT: D --> Stop using this 100d vernacular  
CG: NO.  
CG: AND FUCK YOU BY THE WAY.  
CT: D --> Stop right this instant  
CG: SHIT.  
CT: D --> Stop  
CT: D --> This is e%tremely immature  
CG: BUT SO DAMN FUNNY.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, DON’T DISS VRISKA BECAUSE OF HER INDIFFERENCE TOWARDS THE HEMOSPECTRUM.  
CG: IT’S ONE OF HER ONLY REDEEMING TRAITS.  
CT: D --> It’s one of her many failings  
CT: D --> I was wrong to tolerate her for so long  
CT: D --> She associates with the foulest of lowb100ds  
CG: REMIND ME WHAT IS SOLLUX’S BLOOD COLOR AGAIN?  
CT: D --> She fails to show the proper behaviour for a highb100d  
CG: WHENEVER I CAME CLOSE TO HATING VRISKA, I JUST HAVE TO TALK TO YOU FOR ONE MINUTE TO REMEMBER WHY SHE IS BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.  
CG: I WOULD THANK YOU FOR THAT IF I DIDN’T COMPLETLY DESPISE YOU.  
CG: BUT HOW DID WE END UP TALKING ABOUT HER?  
CG: I WAS TELLING YOU HOW I WOULD LEAD THE RED TEAM TO VICTORY AND LEAVE YOU IN THE DUST.  
CT: D --> You are nothing but a foul-mouthed brat who will ruin his team  
CT: D --> Only a highb100d can lead  
CG: FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I COULD BE A HIGHBLOOD.  
CT: D --> You are not  
CT: D --> No highb100d would speak as you do  
CG: I AM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT THE AMOUNT OF SHIT THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE.  
CG: GAMZEE SWEARS MORE THAN I DO.  
CG: OR IS PURPLE BLOOD NOT HIGH ENOUGH FOR YOUR TASTE?  
CT: D --> Do not speak about Makara  
CT: D --> He is unseemly  
CG: SO YOU ADMIT THAT A HIGHBLOOD CAN BE UNSEEMLY?  
CG: I AM FIRST-RATE HIGHBLOOD MATERIAL, THEN.  
CG: DOES THE THOUGHT MAKE YOU SWEAT?  
CT: D --> If you were a highb100d  
CT: D --> Which I am STRONGLY convinced you are not  
CT: D --> It would not cause me any distress  
CG: I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE A PROPER CONCUPISCENT PARTNER INSTEAD OF GUTTERBLOODS FILLING YOUR QUADRANTS.  
CT: D --> I would be glad to see you write in any color expect hemoanonymous grey  
CT: D --> You are hiding your rightful place in society  
CT: D --> You dare speak to highb100ds as equals  
CT: D --> You dare pretend to leadership  
CT: D --> I will put you back where you belong  
CG: THIS IS ONE OF THE LEAST SCARY THREATS I’VE EVER HEARD.  
CG: STILL BACK AT YOUR HIVE, AREN’T YOU?  
CG: I’VE ALREADY ENTERED THE MEDIUM.  
CT: D --> I think you need the head start  
CG: I THINK YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS MOVING IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SHOT AT WINNING THIS GAME.  
CG: OOPS, FORGOT THE BLUE TEAM WAS ALREADY DOOMED WITH YOU IN CHARGE.  
CG: SEE YOU AROUND, SUCKER.  
CG: <3<

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

> Equius: Get your ass moving.

You quickly install the Sgrub client. While you wait for Sollux to connect to you, you might as well go to the robots arena. Talking with Karkat always makes you eager for a good fight. 

You once thought of creating a robot in Karkat’s likeness to beat him around after your conversations but you realised that would only spur on the rumours about you doing... untoward things with robots.

One of your robots is glaring at you with cold, mechanical judgment in its eyes. Or maybe it’s its eyes that are cold and mechanical. Anyway, you will not brook this offense. 

> Equius: Punch the miscreant. 

You punch the robot, sending his head flying through a window. It lands on the Catenative Doomsday Dice Cascader, one of the shitty doomsday devices than Vriska made for Eridan back when he was interested in “killin all landwwellers”. 

The device activates, killing your lusus and mortally wounding your neighbour’s.

But you do not know that. Yet.

> Vriska: Put Spidermom down.

One wild perspective change later and you are Vriska Serket. You’ve discovered your lusus lying under a pile of rubbles covered in cerulean blood. 

You cannot help being reminded of Karkat’s lusus lying in a pool of his own bright red blood. You feel your luck turning sour as you take out the Fluorite Octet. 

You quickly swallow your guilt. There is no place for weakness in your world. You throw the dices.

They land on Guillotine de la Marquise.

Au revoir, Spidermom.

> Sollux: Be anxious. 

Another sudden change of point of view! This chapter is making you airsick.

You are Sollux Captor and you’ve already had a long night. 

You saved your kinda-but-not-really matesprit’s life by whisking away his collapsing hive to the Medium. Then, you connected to his prickly moirail and took your place as the Page of Doom in the Land of Brains and Fire.

You know that Equius will visit you soon and the mere thought of it is enough to set your teeth on edge.

It eventually happens when you are distracted by your conversation with Nepeta. You do not see him going through his second gate. You notice his presence when you hear someone behind you softly calling your name. 

Equius is taller and bigger than he looked on Trollian viewport feature. He cuts a hulking figure and you feel smaller than you are in his looming presence. 

He does not walk towards you and does not speak again so you understand that you have to come forward and greet him.

You rise up from your chair with a smile that you bet would look fake even to your socially awkward self and take some hesitant steps forward. When you are before him, he still doesn’t say anything so you softly touch his arm to get his attention.

Except for the thin layer of sweat covering his skin, it feels much like touching a boulder. 

Equius tenses up at your touch – he really is ridiculously strong, the muscles of his arms feel like steel cables. But he removes his shades and looks down at you. It’s the first time you’ve ever seen his eyes. 

He looks at you... like any heroine in Nepeta’s trashy red romance novels dreams of being looked at. Like you are the most precious thing in the entire world. Under this gaze, you cannot feel like a gangly wannabe-hacker mustardblood. For once in your life, you feel you’re worth something. 

By looking at you like that, Equius is literally laying out his bloodpusher at your feet where you could easily trample it. A bigot, a classist and a creep he may be but to be able to express such a pure red pity without shame or fear of rejection, he has a truly loving heart and more courage than you can fathom. You cannot help pitying him more than you ever did.

You suddenly realize he knows he cannot touch you. He knows you would bruise at the lightest touch, that a hug would break your bones. He doesn’t touch you because he doesn’t want you hurt.

You stand of the tip of your toes and put a light kiss on his lips – you do not dare do more. This time, your smile is genuine when you say: 

“Welcome to my hive, Equiuth.”

> Meanwhile, in the past...

You are KANAYA MARYAM. 

For as long as you can remember, you have been awake on the GOLDEN MOON OF PROSPIT. By watching the clouds drifting towards SKAIA, you’ve learnt many things, some welcome, others not so much.

For example, you learnt that Equius Zahnak was going to be as important as he was dangerous. Therefore, you took it upon yourself to KEEP HIM IN CHECK. Pesky feelings have nothing to do with it.

Everyone has an important job to do, and it’s time you do yours.

> Kanaya: Check on your moirail’s mental state. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

GA: Equius  
GA: Are You Alright  
CT: D --> I am fine, thank you  
CT: D --> I hope you are in equally good health  
GA: My Lusus Is Dead  
CT: D --> I am most sorry to hear that  
CT: D --> Do you require any words of comfort  
GA: No  
GA: I Knew It Was Going To Happen  
GA: It Was Just Her Time  
GA: I Take It That Your Lusus Is Still Alive Then  
CT: D --> Aurthour is indeed very much alive  
CT: D --> Why are you implying otherwise  
GA: I Think All Our Lusi Will Die  
CT: D --> May I enquire why  
GA: My Whole Life I Have Been Dreaming About A Yellow Kingdom Of Towering Spires And Glimmering Archways  
GA: When I Look Up To The Sky I Can See Clouds Drifting Towards A Realm Of Endless Imagination And Wonder  
GA: They Show Me Things That Were Things That Are And Some Things That Have Not Yet Come To Pass  
CT: D --> Dreams are only dreams  
CT: D --> Are you sure you’re not just projecting your worry about your lusus on other lusi  
CT: D --> You just underwent a great shock  
GA: Would You Have Believed It If It Came From Sollux  
CT: D --> I fail to see your point  
GA: You Didnt Answer My Question  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Sollu%’s doomsayings are obviously affected by his pessimist out100k on life  
CT: D --> As are yours  
GA: So You Are Being Objective After All  
CT: D --> I am always objective  
GA: I Believe That The Death Of Our Lusi Is A Preemptive Consequence Of The Game We Are About To Play  
GA: If A Preemptive Consequence Is A Concept That Can Be Said To Hold Any Meaning  
GA: But From What I Understand If It Is Applicable In Any Sphere At All Then This Game Holds That Sphere  
CT: D --> Will you try to warn me against playing it  
GA: I Dont Think We Have Much Choice  
GA: Our Past, Present And Future Seem To Be Twisted Around This Game Already  
GA: And Even If You Could Choose Freely To Play Or Not To Play  
GA: Convincing You To Renounce Playing This Game Would Be A Rather Foolish Endeavour  
GA: Or As You Would Put It Quote F001ish Unquote  
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> The stakes have roused my interest and I won’t be dissuaded  
GA: It Is A Survival Game Right  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> But any fool can risk his life in a game of Flarp  
CT: D --> This game is much more important than that  
CT: D --> Its true purpose is The Ultimate Reward  
GA: What Is It  
CT: D --> We don’t know yet  
GA: Sollux Coded This Game But He Doesnt Know How It Ends  
GA: I Am Raising An Eyebrow In Disbelief Here  
CT: D --> He merely adapted it  
CT: D --> The Ultimate Reward is a gift of cosmic importance that no troll, even Sollu%, could have designed  
CT: D --> And I will claim it


	8. Palezoned

> Be Tavros again.

You are Tavros Nitram and you have taken your place as the MAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR.

Now that your life isn’t in immediate danger anymore, you will follow your dear friend Feferi’s advice and try to deliver your present to this very special troll. 

> Tavros: Contact present-maker. 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AT: hI,  
GA: Hello  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i DON’T KNOW IF IT’S OKAY TO ASK SINCE, uHHH, wE AREN’T ON THE SAME TEAM,  
AT: bUT HAVE YOU ENTERED THE MEDIUM?  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Am Currently In My Land  
GA: And By Land I Mean Large Expanse Of Water With A Few Islets  
GA: I Was Hoping For Something A Little More Aesthetically Pleasing  
AT: mY LAND IS A DESERT SO, uHHH,  
AT: dO YOU REMEMBER THE THING YOU MADE FOR ME?  
GA: The Dress  
GA: I Have It Right There  
GA: I Am Especially Pleased About How It Came Out  
GA: Do You Want Me To Captchalogue It And Send You The Code  
AT: uHHHH, tHAT WOULD BE A THING i’D LIKE, yES,  
GA: Its 8d3GQE5r  
AT: iT LOOKS AMAZING, kANAYA,  
AT: eXACTLY LIKE THE PICTURE i SENT YOU,  
AT: hOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT?  
GA: I Am A Skilled Seamstress Tavros  
GA: Did You Doubt My Talent  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: nO,  
AT: i DIDN’T MEAN THAT,  
AT: i WAS JUST, uHHH, vERY IMPRESSED BY YOUR WORK, i GUESS,  
GA: Its Ok Tavros I Was Just Kidding  
GA: I Know You Didnt Underestimate My Talent And Im Pleased That You Like The Dress  
GA: I Really Hope You Are Successful In Your Endeavour  
AT: wHAT IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE MY MATESPRIT,  
AT: bUT SHE CAN’T SEE ME IN THE SAME WAY AS BEFORE?  
AT: wHAT IF i RUIN EVERYTHING?  
GA: I Dont Know What My Advice Is Worth In This Case  
GA: But Try While Her Flushed Quadrant Is Still Free  
GA: Otherwise You Will Always Regret It  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i THINK YOUR ADVICE IS BETTER THAN, uHHH, tHE ADVICE OF SOMEONE NOT SHARING OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT,  
GA: Eloquently Said  
AT: i THINK i WILL GIVE IT TO HER RIGHT NOW BEFORE,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i LOSE MY NERVES,  
GA: Good Luck  
AT: bYE,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

> Tavros: Troll your moirail.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AT: uHHH,  
AT: hELLO,  
AG: Hiiiiiiii, Pupa! ::::)  
AG: How are you?  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i AM NOT RUNNING FOR MY LIFE,  
AT: wHICH IS, uHHH, AN IMPROVEMENT OVER MY SITUATION HALF AN HOUR AGO, i SUPPOSE,  
AT: wOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO MY PLANET?  
AG: I can’t come right now.  
AG: I have a little rendez-vous with Karkat on my planet.  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: wHAT KIND OF RENDEZ-VOUS?  
AG: I kinda killed his lusus and now he’s mad at me!!!!!!!!  
AG: I aw8 his paltry retri8ution of LOMAP.  
AT: aRE YOU SURE IT WILL BE OKAY?  
AT: hE WON’T TRY TO KILL YOU OR MAIM YOU?  
AG: Of coooooooourse it will be ok!  
AG: Another troll would try to kill me for this offense but 8loodshed is not in Karkat’s nature.  
AG: 8esides, I will totally wipe the floor with his ass when he attacks me!  
AT: i WILL KEEP AN EYE ON YOU REGARDLESS,  
AT: wHY DID YOU KILL HIS LUSUS?  
AG: I needed to find out something.  
AG: 8ut it’s a seeeeeeeecret! ::::)  
AT: iT’S TOO BAD YOU CAN’T COME OVER,  
AG: I promise I will make it up to you later, Pupa!  
AG: And it will 8e awesome!  
AT: i KINDA HAD A PRESENT TO GIVE YOU,  
AG: A present!!!!!!!!  
AG: I love presents!  
AG: Send me the code quickly so I can alchemize it!  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: iT’S 8d3GQE5r,  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat is that, Pupa?  
AG: A dress?  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: iT’S wENDY’S DRESS, uHHH, fROM pUPA pAN,  
AT: i KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE THIS STORY,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: yOU ALWAYS CALL ME pUPA SO i THOUGHT, uHHH,  
AT: mAYBE YOU COULD BE MY wENDY?  
AG: Tavros, Tavros, Tavros!!!!!!!!  
AG: Wendy was Pupa Pan’s matesprit!  
AG: It’s widely inappropri8 for a pale gift!  
AG: Honestly, if it came from anyone but you, I would have thought it was a flushed solicitation.  
AG: You really should 8e more careful in the future.  
AT: uHH,  
AG: This dress isn’t my style, anyway.  
AG: 8ut it really is well-made!  
AG: Is this hand sewn?  
AT: uHHH, kANAYA MADE IT,  
AG: Well, she’s good at her craft.  
AG: And this dress is too good to waste too!  
AG: You should give it to someone else.  
AG: Like Feferi, for example!  
AT: uHHH,  
AG: Don’t stay dum8, Tavros, for Gog’s sake!  
AG: As far as flushed romantic prospect go, you can’t do 8etter than Feferi!!!!!!!!  
AG: She is super sweet and energetic 8ut she still got guts!  
AG: In fact, she’s too good for you, you 8etter hurry up and woo her 8efore she finds herself a m8sprit!  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: fEFERI IS IN LOVE WITH kARKAT,  
AG: oh yeah, I forgot this silly crush of her!  
AG: 8ut she will have to forget it 8ecause Karkat’s aaaaaaaall miiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!  
AT: uHHH,  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat, Pupa?  
AG: Aren’t you glad to have a moirail who looks out for you and helps you with your other quadrants?  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i’M VERY GLAD TO HAVE YOU,  
AT: aS A MOIRAIL, i GUESS,  
AG: That’s the spirit!  
AG: Now, I have to leave you 8ecause of an incoming Karkat!  
AG: Wish me luuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!! ::::)  
AG: Even if I already have all of it!  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: gOOD LUCK,

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

> Be Karkat a few minutes ago. 

You are Karkat Vantas and you have delayed dealing with Vriska Serket for too long. You’ve safely entered the Medium, sacrificed to your leaderly duties by recruiting two more trolls for the Red Team and alchemized a suitable flying apparatus to go through your Second Gate.

Now it’s time to make her pay.

> Karkat: Make her pay.

Vriska is waiting for you in her hive, as she said she would. Her contemptuous smirk tells you she’s not worried. You didn’t expect her to be.

She’s not wearing the simple T-shirt and pants that constitute the standard clothing for any young troll on Alternia but a cerulean blue dress with her sign edged in white, tattered at the edges to look like a spider’s web. She also put on bright red slippers, probably as a sort of gross joke at your expense. 

She really looks good but you’re not here to gawk at her so you might as well go forward with your plan.

You knock her Strife Specibus out of her hand. You thought about this long and hard and you know that, with the Fluorite Octet in her hands, Vriska would win by a landslide. 

You won’t use your sickles either. You don’t intend to draw her blood and God perishes the thought she draws yours! Without weapons, you should be evenly matched and no one will get seriously hurt, which is what you want here.

Vriska doesn’t try to get her Specibus back. You would bet boondollars against sand that she knows what you intend to do and she’s chosen to go along with it. She keeps smirking at you as she tries to enter your mind. 

For once, you’re glad that she used her powers on you so often while you were on Trollian because you’re able to shrug her attempts at mind control with relative ease and attack her.

However, as it turns out, even without the Fluorite Octet, Vriska is still the superior fighter. She’s only marginally stronger than you but she fights with the ease and cheerful countenance of a regular tavern-brawler – perhaps because of her bullshit pirate persona. Soon, she’s got you in a headlock and whispers in your ear:

“I admit you have guts to attack me in my own hive, Karkaaaaaaaat, and your style of fighting isn’t half bad either. Your efforts were endeeeeeeeearing but I still win.”

She speaks with a low drawl that mirrors her typing quirk and her tone is so damn pleased that her voice sounds almost like a purr. 

“OK, you win,” you acknowledge and she releases you. Then, because you can’t keep your damn mouth shut, you add, “But you’re still a coward.”

She visibly bristles, “I’m not a coward, you’re just a sore loser!!!!!!!!”

“Look at you, waiting for me all dressed-up,” you jeer.

She looks down at her dress.

“I always dress like that!”

“That’s such a stupid lie. We speak on Trollian almost everyday; I know what your regular clothes fucking look like. You always try to make me confess to you, whether by seduction or sheer manipulation, but you never tried confessing to me. You never told any of our friends how you felt about me. I bet not even your fucking moirail knows! 

I think you’re too scared of rejection to admit to anyone, even to yourself, that you’re flushed for me. All you actions towards me are motivated by your insecurity. Even the murder of my lusus. You were too damned afraid to wait for me to tell you about my blood color when I felt ready. You had to find out right here right now so you killed him!”

“That’s rich, Karkat Fucking Vantas lecturing me about insecurity!” she shrieks. “You would never have told me about your blood colour because you are a coward. And you never told anyone how you felt about me either so you’re also a hypocrite!”

“I’m telling you right now.”

“What????????”

She’s staring at you, so angry that her cheeks are flushed cerulean. She really does look good.

“Congratulations, your shitty seduction plot worked. I am flushed for you, Vriska.”

Now she looks so gobsmacked that you can’t help counting that as a victory.

> Karkat: Kiss the hell out of Vriska

You decide to emulate your favourite romantic comedy heroes and kiss the girl.

You’re glad Vriska doesn’t slap you. Instead, she melts in your arm like she was waiting for you to do that all along. You bet she was.

After Vriska breaks the kiss, her smirk is back on in full force.

“Smart move, Karkat, smart move,” she purrs.

She catches the hand that was treading through her thick, black hair and drags you towards the door.

“Come oooooooon, we have a land to explore, underlings to kill and sweet loot to find!!!!!!!! I also have to teach you hands-to-hands combat worthy of my matesprit! We don’t have a minute to lose!!!!!!!!”

> Tavros: Watch in heartbroken horror.

You watch in horror as Karkat and Vriska become linked by the sacred bond of matespritship.

He deserves her more than you. At least he had the courage to walk straight to her and confess instead of hiding behind a gift. 

There’s only one thing you can do.

> Tavros: Report.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

AT: hI,  
CC: )(-----ELLO!  
CC: Did you enter alrig)(t? Are you in your land? Did you give Vriska your gift?  
AT: uHHH, yES, yES, aND YES,  
CC: )(OW DID IT GO?  
AT: uHHH, nOT VERY WELL,  
CC: Tavros, Im saury!  
CC: I must )(ave sounded so insensitive!  
AT: uHHH, iT’S OKAY,  
AT: vRISKA DIDN’T REJECT ME,  
AT: sHE UNDERSTOOD THAT MY GIFT WAS, uHHH, oF FLUSHED NATURE, bUT SHE THOUGHT i GAVE IT TO HER BY MISTAKE,  
AT: sHE’S SO PALE FOR ME THAN SHE CAN’T SEE ME AS ANYTHING BUT HER MOIRAIL,  
CC: T)(ats so sad, Tavros!  
CC: Did you tell )(er you felt differently?  
AT: uHHH, nO,  
AT: bUT THAT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE,  
AT: bECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AFTER,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: wITH kARKAT,  
CC: W)(at )(appened?  
AT: tHEY ARE MATESPRITS NOW,  
CC: AR---E YOU SUR---E?  
AT: uHHH, hE CONFESSED TO HER, aND THEN HE KISSED HER,  
AT: aND SHE KISSED HIM BACK AND, uHHH, cALLED HIM HER MATESPRIT,  
AT: aND THEY LEFT HOLDING HANDS,  
AT: sO I’M KINDA POSITIVE THEY’RE MATESPRITS,  
CC: oh  
CC: I guess Im glad to finally know t)(eir true feelings for eac)( ot)(er after all t)(is time.  
CC: And wit)( this game, we will )(ave better t)(ings to do t)(an c)(ase after quadrantmates anyway!  
CC: Glub glub glub!!!  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT,  
CC: Will you break up wit)( Vriska now?  
AT: uHHH, wHY WOULD i DO THAT?  
CC: Because s)(es pale for you and youre flus)(ed for )(er and you dont want your moirallegiance to be a s)(am?  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: vRISKA IS STILL MY BEST FRIEND,  
AT: aND i WILL BE WITH HER IN ANYWAY SHE NEEDS,  
AT: sHE NEEDS ME TO BE HER MOIRAIL SO THAT’S WHAT i WILL BE FOR HER,  
AT: i WILL ALWAYS WATCH OVER HER,  
CC: T)(ats incredible!  
CC: You are bot)( flus)(ed and pale for )(er!  
AT: uHHH, tHAT’S WHAT kARKAT WOULD CALL A “FUCKING QUADRANT VACILLATION”,  
AT: i DON’T EVEN RESENT HIM,  
AT: i JUST HOPE HE MAKES HER HAPPY,  
CC: Youre so selfless, Tavros!  
CC: But you dont )(ave to be part of a relations)(ip if your )(eart isnt in it!  
AT: tHAT’S OKAY, fEFERI,  
AT: i’M 100% SURE THAT i WANT TO STAY WITH vRISKA,  
CC: If you say so!  
CC: S)(es lucky to )(ave you as a moirail!  
CC: And w)(oever becomes your matesprit will also be very lucky!  
AT: tHAT’S NICE,  
AT: aRE YOU OKAY?  
AT: uHHH, i’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT HEARTBROKEN TODAY,  
CC: Im fine!  
CC: Or I will be soon!  
CC: I do feel a little )(eartbroken right now.  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: i’M SORRY,  
CC: T)(ats not your fault!  
CC: In fact, t)(anks for telling me all t)(is.  
CC: I t)(ink I need a little time alone now...  
AT: i UNDERSTAND,  
AT: gLUB, gLUB, gLUB,  
AT: bYE,  
CC: Glub glub glub!!! 38)  
CC: BY-E!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Vriska's little seduction plot worked better than in canon, didn't it?
> 
> The first ship has sailed, gentlemen, leaving broken hearts in her wake. Who will be next?


	9. Horrorterrors

> Karkat: Reprimand unruly subordinate.

You are Karkat Vantas and you just learnt that one of your most trusted subordinate acted like a total idiot. You will chew her out for that and also hear some form on explanation for her retarded behaviour.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?  
CG: I TOLD YOU TO FIND A HALFWAY DECENT TROLL FOR THE RED TEAM AND YOU CHOOSE GAMZEE FUCKING MAKARA?  
CG: HE’S SO STONED HE WOULD NOT RECOGNIZE HIS OWN LUSUS IF HE BIT HIM IN THE ASS.  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STRAIGHT UP LIED TO ME ABOUT HIM.  
AA: i never lied to you  
AA: gamzee is a friend of both me and feferi  
AA: and he is also a subjugglator by blood so his potential as a fighter is great  
CG: HE MAY HAVE CHUCKLEVOODOOS BUT RIGHT NOW, HE’S COMPLETLY USELESS.  
AA: true enough but irrelevant  
AA: i didnt choose gamzee  
AA: he was always meant to be a player and any divergence would have created a doomed timeline  
AA: did feferi tell you that gamzee safely entered the medium?  
CG: RIGHT SHE DID AND NOW I WILL HELP HER ENTER.  
AA: no you wont  
AA: your client has to be terezi and then equius will be feferis server  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ARADIA?  
CG: ARE YOU IN YOUR RIGHT MIND?  
CG: TEREZI’S NOT ON OUR TEAM AND THERE IS NO WAY I WILL LET FUCKING EQUIUS OF ALL PEOPLE CONNECT TO FEFERI.  
AA: karkat there was always one team and one session  
AA: did you not notice that our underlings are affected by the blue team’s prototypes?  
AA: we must play the game collaboratively to win  
CG: OH SHIT.  
CG: IF YOU’RE RIGHT, WE’RE DOOMED.  
CG: I BARELY MANAGE TO KEEP YOU FIVE IDIOTS FOR BLUNDERING AND NOW I WILL HAVE TO WORK WITH THE ASSHOLES OF THE BLUE TEAM.  
CG: WE’RE FUCKING DOOMED.  
AA: not with you as our leader were not :)  
AA: so will you connect to terezi?  
CG: I’M FED UP WITH YOUR NONSENSICAL ACTS, ARADIA.  
CG: IF YOU WANT ME TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE ALL THESE INFORMATIONS OF YOURS COME FROM.  
AA: ok  
AA: it all began when i found some ancient ruins  
AA: that day when i went to sleep i woke up in the place i now know to be called derse  
AA: i was in a respite block that looked exactly like my own back at my hive and i was wearing some weird purple pyjamas  
AA: intrigued i wandered out of the windows  
AA: because our dream selves can fly  
AA: and i saw them for the first time  
AA: the noble circles of horrorterrors  
AA: these eldritch gods began whispering to me about the game  
AA: of course at first i thought it was nothing but a really strange daymare  
AA: but every day for then on when i fell asleep i was on derse  
AA: the horrorterrors told me more about what i was to do  
AA: and eventually i explored the whole medium  
AA: this game has started long before any of us entered karkat  
AA: since the beginning of our existence we are unknowingly playing it  
AA: and my job is to make sure everything goes according to plan  
CG: THAT IS ONE CRAZY STORY.  
AA: but a true one  
CG: SO I SHOULD CONNECT TO TEREZI BECAUSE A BUNCH OF OUTER GODS TOLD YOU I HAD TO?  
AA: yes  
CG: ARE YOU SURE THESE BEINGS ARE NOT ACTUALLY MALEVOLENT?  
AA: i dont think they are evil  
AA: they seem to be a sort of in-game help for derse dreamers, even if a dark and frightening one  
AA: you would see them too if you woke up  
CG: AFTER WHAT YOU TOLD ME, I REALLY DON’T WANT TO.  
AA: so you believe me?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT I DO.  
AA: the element of blood is loyalty  
AA: you know when to trust people and are trusted in return  
AA: thats why blood player make fine leaders :)  
CG: DO NOT TRY TO DISTRACT ME WITH FLATTERY.  
CG: YOUR TITLE OF MODEL SUBORDINATE OF THE RED TEAM IS STILL FUCKING RESCINDED.  
CG: AND I WANT TO BE ON EVERY SINGLE OF YOUR ELDRITCH SCHEMES, UNDERSTOOD?  
AA: ok  
AA: you will have to oust equius out of his leadership of the blue team and become leader of the reunited team or else we will fail  
AA: so we better start scheming towards that  
AA: but first you must go and save terezis life  
CG: AND SOMEONE HAS TO TELL FEFERI THAT EQUIUS WILL BE HER SERVER PLAYER.  
AA: since i am often the bearer of bad news i will do it  
AA: terezi already knows that you are her server player and shes waiting for you to connect to her so i will leave you to it  
AA: bye  
CG: BYE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

> Be Terezi.

You are Terezi Pyrope and you just barely escaped death.

You are now safely ensconced in your hive in the Medium. Sadly, your Land is not the Land of Tortured Plushies and Sass but more boringly, the Land of Stupidly Dull Colours and Roman Ruins. 

Nonetheless, Aradia kept her promise about getting you in so you think you will trust her just a little further with your thoughts.

> Terezi: Troll fellow Scourge Sister.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: YOU M4D3 GOOD ON YOUR PROM1S3  
AA: i told you i wouldnt let you die didnt i  
GC: 1 4M 4 L1TTL3 WORR13D 4BOUT F3F3R1  
GC: W3 4LL PROTOTYP3D OUR SPR1T3 W1TH TH3 BOD13S OF OUR LUS1  
GC: BUT 1F F3F3R1 DO3S TH3 S4M3, 1 TH1NK OUR 3N3M13S W1LL B3COM3 N1GH 1NV1NC1BL3  
AA: i agree with you on principle  
AA: but we cant just prototype anything  
AA: kernelsprites are drawn to the dead and the doomed  
AA: perhaps we are all meant to prototype our lusi and if we dont the timeline will be doomed  
AA: i dont know  
GC: WH4T DO3S YOUR SOURC3S T3LL YOU?  
AA: the horrorterrors are really cagey about feferis lusus  
AA: perhaps because she is one of their own  
AA: i asked them about glbgolybs fate but i was unable to get a straight answer  
AA: im sorry  
GC: DONT BL4M3 YOURS3LF, 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU C4N KNOW 3V3RYTH1NG ABOUT TH1S G4M3  
GC: SO W3 H4V3 31TH3R BL4CK ROY4LTY C4P4BL3 OF UNL34SH1NG TH3 V4ST GLUB OR 4 F4T4L PROTOTYP1NG M1ST4K3 4ND 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3  
GC: WH4T 1F W3 FL1P 4 CO1N?  
AA: unorthodox but this way we will at least have one non-doomed timeline  
AA: hopefully  
GC: TH3N M4K3 YOUR CHO1C3  
AA: good heads i let feferi prototype her lusus bad heads i advise her to prototype something else  
GC: 1TS B4D H34DS  
AA: you didnt look at the coin did you?  
GC: TH3 CO1N TOSS DO3SNT M4TT3R >:]  
AA: of course it doesnt :)  
AA: i will relay our advice to feferi and hope all is well  
GC: 1 H4V3 TO L34V3 YOU 4S W3LL  
GC: 3R1D4N H4S B33N TROLL1NG M3 FOR 4 F3W M1NUT3S, GOT TO S33 WH4T H3 W4NTS  
AA: ah eridan :)  
AA: ill leave you with him then  
AA: bye  
GC: BY3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

> Terezi: Deal with Eridan.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CA: ter  
CA: ter are you there  
CA: please tell me youre in the medium right noww  
CA: come on ter youvve got to answwer  
CA: this is important  
GC: PHH3W, 1 4M H3R3  
GC: WH4TS TH3 M4TT3R?  
CA: thanks god youre here  
CA: are you on your planet  
GC: Y3S  
CA: any murderous angels there  
GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO H4S CR4ZY 4NG3LS ON H1S PL4N3T >:]  
GC: MY L4ND 1S K1ND4 BOR1NG BUT F1N3  
CA: great  
CA: youvve got to grant me an nep asylum ter  
CA: nep joined me on lowwaa an wwe fought together for a wwhile  
CA: but then wwe got ambushed by the fuckers an things are gettin dicey here  
GC: 1S N3P3T4 OKAY?  
GC: 1 C4NT S33 YOU ON TH3 SGRUB 4PP  
CA: wwere far from my hivve  
CA: neps fine  
CA: i pick out the angels from afar wwith my rifle wwhile she does the close-range fightin wwith her clawws  
CA: thats wwhy im doin the trollin  
GC: YOU 4ND N3P3T4 4R3 W3LCOM3 TO TH3 L4ND OF THOUGHT 4ND FLOW ANYT1M3  
CA: great  
CA: im signallin nep that wwere retreatin towward my hivve  
CA: givve us some time to reach my second gate  
GC: OK4Y  
CA: you wwere so wworied about nep it wwas cute  
CA: you should just confess to her already  
GC: M4YB3 1 W1LL  
CA: nepeta an terezi sittin on a tree  
CA: K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
GC: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO S1NG 4BOUT YOU 4ND 4R4D14?  
CA: i cant believve nep told you about this  
CA: i knoww youre practically matesprits but still  
CA: this is sensitivve stuff ter  
GC: 1 KNOW HOW TO K33P 4 S3CR3T, 3R1D4N  
GC: B3S1D3S, P3RH4PS N3P3T4 TOLD M3 B3C4USE 1 KNOW 4R4D1A W3LL 4ND 1 COULP H3LP YOU WOO H3R  
CA: you could  
CA: come on ter givve a friend some tips  
GC: YOUR3 ON YOUR OWN, M4T3 >:]  
CA: ter youvve got to play nice  
CA: tell me if you twwo talked about me at least  
GC: W3LL, 1 D1D NAME-DROP YOU  
CA: an howw did she react  
GC: SH3 WROT3, 4ND 1 QUOT3 ah eridan :)  
CA: thats a smilin face so that means she must like me at least a little  
CA: right ter  
GC: H4RD TO S4Y W1TH 4R4D14, SH3 COULD SM1L3 TO D34TH 1TS3LF  
CA: wwell im not givvin up  
GC: 1M NOT T3LL1NG YOU TO  
GC: 1N F4CT, PL34S3 K33P TRY1NG TO WOO H3R  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 H1L4R1OUS >:D  
CA: youre so mean ter  
CA: i wwonder howw my swweet swweet moirail can havve feelings for you  
CA: approachin my hivve noww  
CA: wwe should be here in fivve  
GC: S33 YOU SOON

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]


	10. Weird Plot Shit

> Be last.

You are FEFERI PEIXES and you are last.

The last introduced, the last to enter. But not the least by a nautical mile!

You just received two distressing news from your friend Aradia. First, your server player won’t be your friend and former crush Karkat Vantas but the uptight blue blood Equius Zahnak. 

Then, Aradia told you that, because of your lusus’ terrifying troll-killing powers, it would be wiser not to prototype her. You are going to miss Gl'bgolyb very much but you understood Aradia’s request perfectly and told her you would comply.

No one knows better than you how dangerous your lusus is. After all, you had to keep her voice down all your life.

Being a royal is all about sacrifice anyway. You vowed to always do right by your people and that’s why you are going to be a great empress some day!

> Feferi: Get moving!

You start by trolling your designated server player.

cuttlefishCuller[CC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CC: )(---------ELLO!  
CT: D --> Heiress  
CT: D --> Do you require assistance  
CC: YOU N-E-ED TO CONN-ECT TO M-E ASAP!  
CT: D --> I am afraid it won’t be possible  
CT: D --> I am set to connect to Terezi Pyrope  
CC: Karcrab already took care of t)(at!!!  
CT: D --> Vantas had no right to  
CT: D --> Fiddlesticks  
CT: D --> That is gross insubordination on the part of the tealblood  
CT: D --> She has conspired with the enemy  
CC: DONT B---E S-----EALY!  
CC: Karcrab and Terezi just did w)(at they )(ad to do!  
CC: T)(ere is only one team and were meant to connect t)(is way.  
CT: D --> I don’t believe your words, seadweller  
CC: I may be a stinky seadweller to you but Im still the )(eiress  
CC: AND I COMMAND YOU TO CONN---ECT TO M-E RIGHT NOW!  
CT: D --> Yes, Heiress  
CT: D --> Right now  
CT: D --> My deepest apologies for my presumptions

> Equius: Connect to client

While the Sgrub server installation is in progress, you towel your face dry. The seadweller was so forceful with her commands it made you sweat.

A lot of things make you sweat.

The connection is promptly established and you can see Feferi in her underwater hive.

> Equius: Deploy Cruxtruder  
Being an obedient and diligent server player, you deploy the Cruxtruder next to Feferi, managing not to block any door or window with the bulky device.

In a beautiful display of highblood strength, Feferi easily pries it open, freeing a pretty fuchsia-tinted Kernelsprite

> Feferi: Seek higher ground

You climb to the highest tower of your Gothic castle hive and look out of the window. You can’t see your gargantuan lusus, of course, but you can sense her presence telepathically. She can always hear you and you can always hear her.

_I’m sorry, mom. Farewell._

You take your trident and stab yourself right in the chest. 

> Equius: Watch in flabbergasted horror.

You watch in horror as your client player commits suicide out of the blue. In her grief, Gl'bgolyb unleashes the Vast Glub, killing every troll remaining in the galaxy, before dying of exhaustion.

Feferi’s body collapses out of the window and drifts into the waiting Kernelsprite.

Feferi is promptly brought back to life as Feferisprite!

> Feferi: Apologize to your server for the fright.

You swim back to your respite block and promptly type in Trollian:

CC: D0NT W0RRY, ---EQUIUS!  
CC: IM FIN!  
CC: S0rry f0r startling y0u.  
CT: D --> Why did you do that  
CC: Trust me, it was necessary!  
CC: Y0u can keep depl0ying the devices, I still )(ave t0 enter. 38)

> Some time in the future, but not many...

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened public transtimeline bulletin board WHAT THE FUCK? IS FEFERI DEAD?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board WHAT THE FUCK? IS FEFERI DEAD?.

CCG: OKAY, FUCKERS.  
CCG: SOME OF YOU ASSHOLES HAVE BEEN BABBLING TO ME ABOUT FEFERI BEING DEAD AND SOMEHOW COMING BACK TO LIFE.  
CCG: SO I WANT THE FUCKING CONCERNED PARTIES – I.E FEFERI IF SHE’S ALIVE, HER CRIMINALLY INCOMPETENT SERVER PLAYER EQUIUS, ARADIA BECAUSE SHE HAS HER FINGERS IN EVERY DAMN PIE – TO COME FORWARD AND GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 0:25 HOUR FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCC: N0 N--E---ED T0 G--------ET MAD, KARCRAB!  
FCC: I am completely fin.  
CCG: I AM ACTUALLY FUCKING RELIEVED TO READ YOUR STUPID FISHPUNS.  
CCG: SO YOU DIDN’T DIE?  
FCC: I DID!!!  
FCC: But 0nly briefly.  
CCG: WHAT’S WITH THE NEW TYPING QUIRK?  
FCC: It just feels rig)(t.

PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 2:04 HOUR AGO responded to memo.

PAA: i saw that feferi had no dream self and that sollux possessed two  
PAA: i noticed the oddity but i didnt understand it  
PAA: now i do  
PAA: im sorry that you had to die feferi  
FCC: Im 0kay, Aradia.  
FCC: N0ne 0f t)(is is y0ur fault.  
CCG: I’LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.  
CCG: WHAT DID YOU DO, ARADIA?  
PAA: i told feferi not to prototype her lusus  
PAA: she killed herself and self-prototyped  
PAA: i had no idea she was going to do that i swear!  
CCG: WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?  
CCG: SCRATCH THAT, OF COURSE IT WAS NECESSARY.  
CCG: WE’RE NOT IN A DOOMED TIMELINE, ARE WE?  
PAA: no  
PAA: feferi did the right thing  
PAA: but how did you know you had to it?

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> The rustblood question is also relevant to my interests  
CCG: OH, HERE GO THE WORST SERVER PLAYER IN THE WORLD.  
CCG: SHE KILLED HERSELF BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES AND YOU WERE UNABLE TO STOP HER?  
CCT: D --> She was too fast  
CCT: D --> And apparently it was a good thing I did not  
CCG: IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T SUCK AT THIS GAME.

FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 1 HOUR FROM NOW responded to memo.

FAC: :33 < guys dont start fighting in public its gross!!!  
FAC: :33 < and btw im glad youre ok furfuri!  
FCC: 38D  
FCC: S)(--ES RIGHT, N0 FIGHTING!  
FCC: I )(ad many reas0ns to d0 as I did.  
FCC: My lusus used t0 w)(isper t0 me you kn0w.  
FCC: S)(e said t)(at the tr0ll race w0uld die and be reb0rn.

PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 0:56 HOUR AGO responded to memo.

PGA: I Am Most Sorry To Interrupt But This Is An Extremely Important Matter  
PGA: Are You Sure Your Lusus Told You The Troll Race Would Be Reborn  
FCC: 0F C0URS---E IM SUR---E!  
PGA: That Piece Of News Is Certainly Heartening

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTA: you 2houldnt get your hope2 up KN  
CTA: ii thiink we are all goiing to diie and not all propheciie2 can come true  
PGA: I Think The Prophecies Of An Outer God Are More Credible Than Your Doomsayings Sollux  
FAC: :33 < stop antagonising each other right now!!!  
FAC: :33 < and please let furfuri continue her story!  
CCG: FOR ONCE, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE CAT GIRL.  
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I BAN YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES OUT OF HERE.  
CCG: WHAT ELSE DID YOUR GREAT BIG MONSTRUOUS LUSUS WHISPER TO YOU, FEFERI?  
FCC: T)(at 0nly the twice reb0rn c0uld rule 0ver t)(e 0nce!  
CCG: SO YOU HAVE TO DIE AND BE REBORN TWICE TO BE EMPRESS?  
CCG: SEEMS MORE TROUBLE THAT IT’S WORTH.  
FCC: Its n0t!  
FCC: I will die a t)(0usand deat)( if I can be a just ruler t0 the Alternian -Empire!  
FCC: W)(en Aradia t0ld me I c0uldnt pr0t0type my lusus and t)(at t)(e sprite was drawn t0 t)(e dead, I t)(0ug)(t t)(at maybe my time had c0me.

FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 1:25 HOUR FROM NOW responded to memo.

FGC: HOW COULD YOU B3 SUR3?  
FGC: S33MS 4 PR3TTY H3FTY G4MBL3 TO M3. >:]

PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 4 HOUR AGO responded to memo.

PCC: B-ECAUS---E I R---EAD T)(IS MEM0, DUMMY!  
CCG: HOW GOD.  
CCG: FUCK THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.  
FCC: D0NT B---E MAD AT Y0URS-----ELF, KARCRAB.  
FCC: I made t)(e rig)(t c)(0ice.  
PAA: she did  
PCC: Will it )(urt?  
FCC: It will be s0 fast you w0nt feel a fin.  
PCC: Good.  
PCC: Sea you all in four )(ours.

PCC ceased responding to memo.

CCG: WHAT WAS I THINKING, SETTING UP A TRANSTIMELINE MEMO?  
CCG: I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED A CLUSTERFUCK LIKE THAT TO HAPPEN.  
CCG: SOLLUX, SINCE YOU ARE THE COMPUTER WHIZ AROUND HERE, IS THERY ANYWAY TO TWEAK TROLLIAN SO ONLY CONTEMPORARY PEOPLE CAN RESPOND TO MEMOS AND ONLY PEOPLE IN THE PRESENT AND FUTURE SEE THEM AT ALL?  
CTA: iit miight be doable  
CTA: ii wiill look iinto iit  
CCT: D --> Don’t take orders from him  
CCG: OH, I THINK HE WILL AND SO WILL YOU.  
CCG: I AM TAKING LEADERSHIP OF THE REUNITED TEAM.  
CCT: D --> I STRONGLY contest this  
CCG: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.  
CCG: WHY DON’T WE FIGHT THIS OUT?  
CCT: D --> You tr001y are a f001  
CCG: I WILL TAKE THAT AS A YES.  
CCG: WE NEED TO ESTABLISH CLEAR GROUND RULES BEFORE FIGHTING.  
CCG: FIRST WE CHOSE OUR WEAPONS  
CCT: D --> I chose my bare fists  
CCG: AND I CHOOSE MY SICKLES.  
CCG: THEN THE FIRST ONE TO BE KNOCKED OUT LOSES.  
CCG: I DON’T WANT ANY UNECESSARY BLOODSHED OR DEATH THAT MIGHT CRIPPLE THE TEAM.  
CCT: D --> Agreed  
CCG: AND FINALLY THE LOSER ACKNOWLEDGES THE WINNER AS LEADER WITHOUT ANY COMPLAINS.  
CCG: I WANT YOU TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS BEFORE ALL OUR FRIENDS HERE.  
CCG: I WOULDN’T WANT YOU GOING BACK ON YOUR WORDS AFTER I THOUROUGHLY BEAT YOU.  
CCT: D --> Unlike you, I actually have honor Vantas  
CCT: D --> I pledge myself to these terms and will hold them without fail  
CCG: GOOD. YOUR PLANET OR MINE?

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCA: if i may interrupt this fin discussion  
CCA: i wwould like to see this fight  
FAC: :33 < me too!!! :3  
PGA: It Would Be Better To Have A Lot Of Witnesses To Make The Outcome Undisputable  
CCG: OK, IF ANY OF YOU FUCKERS WANT TO SEE EQUIUS GET HIS ASS HANDED OVER TO HIM, YOU’RE WELCOME TO COME TOMORROW AT NINE IN THE LAND OF PULSE AND HAZE.  
CCA: great  
CCT: D --> I will be there  
FCC: AS WILL I!  
CTA: ii 2uppo2e ii have to come  
PGA: I Will Also Attend  
FAC: :33 < ill be there!  
FGC: 1T W1LL B3 FUN. >:]  
CCG: THIS WON’T BE A FUCKING PARTY, YOU IDIOTS.  
CCG: VANTAS OUT.

CCG closed memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens...
> 
> I know that the fact that Feferi has no dreamself might seem dubious since she was alive before the beginning of the session (unlike Aradia in canon) but I wanted someone not to have any dreamself to balance out Sollux's two and I interpreted the absence of a dreamself as a mark of doom, not death.


	11. Kismesis

> Be the Witch of Light.

You are Vriska Serket and you are far out of your depth, which for someone with your awesome precognition powers, is quite unusual.

You went offline for a few hours to go on an adventure with your moirail and, when you came back, you discovered than an incredible amount of shit had hit the fan. First, you friend Feferi died and came back as a sprite. Then Karkat challenged Equius to a fight for the leadership of the reunited team.

What was he thinking? Has he been scheming between your back?

> Vriska: Find out.

arachnidGrips [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Karkaaaaaaaat!   
AG: Did you hit your head when I was gone?   
AG: You really think you can win a single com8at against Mr Freakishly Strong?   
CG: YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE THAT STUPID?   
CG: I FULLY INTEND TO CHEAT.   
AG: Then what is your plaaaaaaaan?   
AG: And more importantly, why wasn’t I informed of it?   
CG: I’M TELLING YOU NOW, AM I NOT?   
CG: THE PLAN IS BASED ON SOME OF THE MORE OBSCURE FEATURE OF THIS NONSENSICAL GAME.   
CG: APPARENTLY, THE RED TEAM PLAYERS HAVE A DREAM SELF ON THE PURPLE MOON OF DERSE, THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS, AND THE BLUE TEAM PLAYERS HAVE ONE ON THE GOLDEN MOON OF PROSPIT, THE KINGDOM OF LIGHT.   
CG: WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO REGAIN AWARENESS AS OUR DREAM SELF. THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE.   
AG: That sounds suspicioooooooous.   
AG: I have never dreamed of this kingdom of darkness.   
CG: ME NEITHER BUT, APPARENTLY, YOUR DREAM SELF ONLY AWAKENS AFTER SOME BIG REVELATION ABOUT YOURSELF OR SOME OTHER BULLSHIT.   
CG: EXCEPT IF YOU’RE ARADIA. OR KANAYA.   
CG: OR FEFERI, WHO HAS NONE.   
CG: THIS IS STUPID.   
CG: TO COME BACK TO THE ACTUAL POINT, THE PLAN IS SIMPLE: BEFORE THE FIGHT, ARADIA GOES TO SLEEP, WAKE UP ON DERSE, FLIES TO PROSPIT, THUMPS EQUIUS’ DREAM SELF UNTIL HE AWAKENS, HIS REAL SELF FALLS ASLEEP ON THE SPOT AND I WIN THE FIGHT BY THE VERY CONDITIONS HE AGREED.   
AG: W8 a minute, Aradi8?   
AG: This whole pl8n is Aradi8’s?   
CG: IT WAS MOSTLY HER IDEA.   
CG: HER DREAM SELF HAS BEEN AWAKE FOR SWEEPS, SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING.   
AG: And you o8bviously don’t know what you’re doing!   
AG: Wh8 if she sta8s you in the 8ack, you fool!!!!!!!!   
CG: SHE’S MY FRIEND.   
CG: I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY WEAK ARGUMENT BUT I REALLY DON’T THINK SHE WILL BETRAY ME.   
AG: You kn8w n8thing!   
AG: The only trolls you c8n trust 8re your red quadrantm8s!!!!!!!!   
AG: That means m8!!!!!!!!   
AG: I am your m8sprite, I 8m the only one you can trust and you pl8ce your f8 in the h8nd of a girl who is nothing to you!   
CG: FUCK.   
CG: YOU’RE ACTUALLY JEALOUS OF ARADIA.   
CG: THAT’S RIDICULOUS.   
AG: No, it’s not!   
AG: I can’t 8elieve you were in cahoots with her inst8 of me.   
CG: IT’S RIDICULOUS BECAUSE I PITY YOU, NOT ARADIA.   
CG: THERE IS NO ONE I’D RATHER TRUST MY FATE WITH THAN YOU, VRISKA.   
AG: That’s good 8ecause your f8 will 8e in my hands!   
AG: Even if Aradia doesn’t dou8lecross you, she might still fail horri8ly.   
AG: I will have to go there and wake Equius up myself!   
CG: FINE BUT DON’T KILL EACH OTHER.   
AG: Can’t I even sta8 her a little?   
AG: It will 8e a friendly sta8.   
CG: ABSOLUTELY NO STABBING.   
AG: You’re no fun, Karkaaaaaaaat. ::::)   
AG: If I pitied you half as much as I do, I would have killed the Megido tramp.   
CG: I REALLY DON’T GET WHY YOU DISLIKE ARADIA SO MUCH.   
CG: BUT IT’S YOUR BLACK QUADRANT, NOT MINE.   
AG: I’m not black for Aradia!!!! I’m way out of her league!!!!   
CG: I AM WAY OUT OF EQUIUS’ LEAGUE BUT HE’S STILL MY KISMESIS.   
CG: THE CONTEMPT IS PART OF WHAT MAKES IT SO GOOD.   
AG: Well, I despise Aradia in a totally platonic way!   
CG: WOULD YOU DESPISE ME IF I SAID THAT, IF YOU AND ARADIA GOT TOGETHER, YOU WOULD BE THE HOTTEST BLACK COUPLE AROUND?   
AG: S8 you find h8r attr8ctive????????   
CG: AND YOU DO NOT?   
AG: Geeeeeeeez Karkat, you’re almost worst than Nepeta sometimes!   
CG: WHAT DOES NEPETA HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS?   
AG: She is as obsessed 8y romance as you.   
AG: And she also likes to ship her friends!   
CG: I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS KINDA SILLY.   
AG: She is silly sometimes but she’s not dum8.   
AG: My Flarp team had a temporary alliance with hers a few perigees ago and she was very deadly.   
AG: If she wasn’t joined at the hip with her moirail, and if there wasn’t this persisting awkwardness 8etween him and Feferi, I might have asked her to join the Red team!   
CG: MAYBE I MISJUDGED HER.   
AG: You should talk to her sometimes.   
AG: You could drool together on her shipping wall and swap romance movies.   
CG: VRISKA.   
CG: ROMANCE IS FUCKING SERIOUS BUSINESS.   
AG: Sure, Karkaaaaaaaat, sure!   
AG: Could we get 8ack on the topic that was occupying us 8efore you went on a wild tangent about my non-existential 8lackrom with Aradia I-have-a-stick-rammed-up-my-ass Megido?   
CG: YOU’RE SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT THIS IT’S ALMOST BEAUTIFUL.   
CG: I HOPE YOU WILL REMEMBER TO WAKE UP EQUIUS IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR SLOPPY HATE MAKE-OUTS.   
AG: Sh8t 8p!   
CG: OKAY, FINE.   
CG: COULD YOU SEND ME THE CODE FOR THE FLUORITE OCTET?   
AG: Why????????   
CG: I’D LIKE TO ALCHEMIZE SOME LUCKY SICKLES.   
CG: IT WILL HELP ME HOLD MY OWN AGAINST EQUIUS UNTIL YOU AND ARADIA CAN WAKE HIM.   
AG: It’s 82THE8TH   
AG: But I wouldn’t rely too much on them if I were you!!!!!!!!   
AG: The Fluorite Octet works 8etter in my hands.   
AG: 8ecause I have all the luck. All of it.   
CG: THAT’S A GOOD THING SINCE YOU AND ARADIA ARE IN CHARGE OF THE MOST CRITICAL PART OF THE PLAN.   
CG: JUST BE CAREFUL, OKAY?   
AG: I am always careful!!!!!!!!   
AG: <3   
CG: <3

arachnidGrips [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You quickly rid yourself of the warm and fuzzy feelings that speaking with your adorable matesprit always manages to incite in you. 

It’s time to go to sleep. Or rather, it’s time to wake up.

> Several fruitless naps later...

arachnidGrips [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Megido!!!!!!!!   
AG: You must wake my dream self right now!   
AA: how it must have prickled your pride to ask   
AG: Are we playing State-The-O8vious now????????   
AG: Just hurry up and shake my dream self awake already!   
AA: i suppose you want to help me on my mission to wake up Equius’ dream self   
AA: however your help is neither required nor needed   
AA: i can handle it myself just fine   
AG: Reaaaaaaaally?   
AG: If you had Karkat’s 8est interests at heart, you wouldn’t refuse any help you could get.   
AG: Finally, you show your true colors.   
AA: and what pray tell are my true colors?   
AG: You pretend to 8e trying to help everyone but you’re just a manipul8or, hatching plans from the shadows.   
AG: Working toward your own goals while pretending to 8e Troll Mother Fucking Teresa.   
AG: I can’t 8elieve anyone is fooled by your coy little smiles and your fake-as-shit ladylike 8ehaviour.   
AA: so you think im exactly like you except people actually like me   
AA: but youre wrong vriska   
AA: im not like you   
AA: i do try to help others   
AA: i even try to help you   
AG: That is such a 8old-faced lie.   
AG: If you wanted to help me, you would wake me up.   
AA: why dont you wake your own dreamself?   
AG: I don’t have time for silly introspection!!!!!!!!   
AG: Not everyone spends their time loitering around doing nothing, like you.   
AG: I have soooooooo many irons in the fire and they are 8urning too hot 8ecause I must rescue my stupid matesprit from your du8ious help.   
AA: you failed because you dont know why youre here   
AG: Are you completly dum8?   
AG: I just told you I want to give Karkat a hand.   
AA: achieving victory in this duel is his responsibility not yours   
AA: or do you think he is too weak to prevail without your meddling?   
AG: Of course, he is not weak!   
AG: 8ut he needs a co-conspirator sometimes and that’s me, not you.   
AG: I am the one who cares a8out him, not the slimy 8itch who uses him as a pawn in her plans.   
AA: caring is always a weakness   
AG: It is.   
AA: are you afraid?   
AG: I am not.   
AA: if you spoke true you would be a fool   
AA: but you spin your lies as a spider spins her web   
AA: you are afraid   
AA: you are afraid to lose Karkat   
AA: you are afraid he wont become everything you want him to be   
AA: he may not be a pawn to you but even a king is only a piece on a chessboard   
AA: you are afraid to get your heart broken   
AA: you are afraid to be seen as weak   
AG: I 8m not we8k!   
AG: And stop pretending you know shit a8out me.   
AG: We’ve Flarped together a couple of times, that’s all.   
AA: you did claim to be able to see my true colors after such a short acquaintance   
AG: Yes 8ut you always were so o8vious.   
AG: Hiding 8ehind your partner’s “BL1ND JUST1C3” gig while you were in it for the cheap thrills.   
AA: the one we killed were all villains   
AG: People like me, you mean?   
AA: you may have killed without a choice but dont deny you did it gleefully   
AA: whos playing the role of troll mother teresa now?   
AG: So I guess I am evil enough for a Just death.   
AG: What a8out people like you, then?   
AA: do you have to be such a bitch all the time?   
AG: Only 88% of the time.   
AG: 8ut with you, always.   
AA: could drop the 8 thing? its annoying and it doesnt even make sense in the context   
AG: So Little Miss Perfect actually has a temper? Cute.   
AG: This conversation was fun 8ut we’re losing time.   
AG: I politely asked you for your help, for Karkat’s sake, and you refused to give it.   
AG: Now I will have to resort to vile threats.   
AA: you are not weak but you are so dumb sometimes   
AA: do you think i tried telling you the truth about yourself because it amused me   
AA: just look around you for gods sake!   
AG: What is there to look at?   
AG: It’s just my respite8lock.   
AA: then look better!!!!

> Vriska: Look better.

You don’t know what the crazy bat is rambling about. It’s just your respiteblock. It looks the same as it always had. 

You look down at your lap. You’re wearing purple today. Maybe because Karkat likes it. He did mention the color purple not too long ago, though you can’t remember why. 

Purple.

You think it was pretty significant but you can’t put your finger on it. In fact, your head feels a little fuzzy. There is a strange noise outside. Must be the Underlings raising a racket.

It all seems wrong somehow. Everything surrounding you is familiar but nothing is quite right. It’s exactly the kind of feelings that you get when you’re looking back on a dream.

A dream?

> Vriska: Resume conversation.

AG: I am on Derse, right?   
AA: it took you so long to figure it out i could have fallen asleep   
AA: if i wasnt already sleeping   
AG: So I did manage to wake myself up after all!   
AA: your dream self did wake up but without full consciousness   
AA: it happens sometimes   
AA: i thought some big revelation about yourself would help you wake up completely   
AA: but it seems your skull is too thick for that!   
AG: 8ut how did you know I was asleep????????   
AA: when you trolled me i went to your tower on derse to wake you up   
AA: i saw you using your computer through the window   
AA: in fact im still right there   
AG: So you were stalking me during this whole conversation????????   
AG: Couldn’t you have just... given me a pat on the shoulder or something?   
AA: it would have been less fun   
AA: plus window stalking is my thing   
AA: like putting useless 8s everywhere is yours   
AA: so are you coming or not?

> Vriska: Go to the window. 

Aradia is indeed floating behind your window like the dirty stalker that she is. She’s wearing the same weird purple pyjama as you and watching you with perfect poise. She is once again cool as a cucumber. You could hit her.

You are reminded of Karkat’s joke about sloppy hate make-outs and you get hold of yourself.

“So are we going, Megido, or do you want us to lose even more time?”

She smiles at you, a perfectly polite little smile than never reaches her eyes.

“Prospit is this way, Vriska.”

She flies away and you follow.

> Several shenanigans later...

arachnidGrips [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Karkaaaaaaaat!   
AG: How did the fight go?   
AG: Aradia and I had a hard time waking Equius up, he was sleeping soooooooo heavily.   
AG: You should have seen his face when he woke on Prospit and saw us and understood how we totally tricked him!!!!!!!!   
AG: Karkat!   
AG: Why are you not answering?   
AG: Don’t tell me Equius managed to knock you out 8efore we woke him up????????   
CG: NO, HE DIDN’T.   
CG: HIS FIST JUST BRUSHED BY MY FACE.   
AG: Well, that’s good!!!!!!!!   
AG: Why so gloomy then?   
CG: HE STILL SPLIT MY LIP, VRISKA.   
CG: EVERYONE SAW ME BLEEDING.   
CG: EVERYONE KNOWS I’M A FREAK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the Aradia/Vriska black romance... this wasn't supposed to happen. They just fit together perfectly.


	12. The Troll Disease Called Friendship

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened public bulletin board Karcat, please look at this!!! :33

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

CAC RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Karcat, please look at this!!! :33

CAC: :33 < hello, karcat  
CAC: :33 < since you left so suddenly after your fight with equius, we would like to tell you that your blood color really doesnt matter to us  
CAC: :33 < come on, everyone, chime in!

CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCC: S)(---ES RIG)(T, KARCRAB!  
CCC: N0 0N-E GIV-ES A SH----ELL AB0UT YOUR BL00D!

CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAA: karkat i am scraping the bottom of the hemospectrum  
CAA: if it were alternia you would have been culled on discovery but my fate would have been little better  
CAA: i am never going to judge someone on the basis of a caste system that would have resulted in my enslavement

CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAT: uHHH, i AM IN THE SAME SITUATION AS aRADIA, i THINK,  
CAT: i REALLY DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE A MUTANT, 

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAG: 8eing Karkat’s matesprit, I knew the truth 8efore everyone!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And I still don’t caaaaaaaare.  
CAG: Come oooooooon, Karkat, just reply to this memo!  
CAG: You love replying to memos, right?  
CCC: Yes, Karcrab, y0u must answer us!  
CCC: Y0ure 0ur leader n0w and we are waiting f0r your input!

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: DOES ANYONE STILL WANT ME TO BE THEIR LEADER?  
CAG: Don’t 8e silly, Karkat. ::::)  
CCC: S)(---ELL Y-ES!!!  
CAA: yes  
CAT: uHHH, yES,  
CAC: :33 < yeah!!! :)  
CCG: WHILE YOU ARE SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE MY AWE-INSPIRING LEADERLY ABILITIES, YOU ARE ALSO FUCKING NAIVE.  
CCG: DO YOU REALLY THINK EVERYONE WILL THINK AS YOU DO?  
CCG: DO THE HIGHBLOODS AMONG US WILL ACCEPT TO FOLLOW A VILE MUTANT?  
CCG: VRISKA DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE SHE IS MY MATESPRIT.  
CCG: AND FEFERI DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE SHE’S FEFERI.

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCA: wwell im a highblood  
CCA: but my moirail set me straight about the hemospectrum so i dont havve a problem wwith your blood color  
CCA: kar i must beg you not to givve up leadership  
CCA: else wwe wwill havve eq as a leader come on kar you cant do this to us

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGC: 1 WOULD L1K3 TO PO1NT OUT TH4T YOUR L34D3RSH1P 1SNT IN J3OP4RDY H3R3  
CGC: YOUR W1N 1N THE DU3L W4S 1NCONT3ST4BL3  
CGC: 4ND TH3R3 W4S NO L34D3RSH1P 3X3MPT1ON CL4US3 B4S3D ON BLOOD COLOR SO TH3 WHOL3 1SSU3 OF YOUR BLOOD COLOR IS 1RR3L3VANT 1N TH1S M4TT3R  
CGC: 1 WOULD 4LSO 4DD TH4T D1SCR1MIN4T1ON 4G41NST SOM3ON3 W1TH SUCH 4 D3L1C1OUS BLOOD COLOR 1S 4 S3R1OUS OFF3NS3 BY MY BOOK  
CGC: 4ND TRUST M3 NO ON3 TO F4C3 MY P4RT1CUL4R BR4ND OF JUST1C3 >:]

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGA: I Would Also Like To Say That In Spite Of My Moirails Opinion On The Subject I Personally Find The Hemospectrum To Be Aberrant And Cruel  
CGA: Furthermore I Can Attest To Mr Vantas Victory In The Aforementioned Duel And Will Therefore Not Contest His Leadership Of Our Team  
CGA: Nor Will Equius  
CAG: So are you satisfied, Karkaaaaaaaat?  
CCC: I guess every0ne still )(asnt sh0wn up!  
CCC: S0llux, Gamzee, I can see y0u reading this s0 JUST REPLY TO THE DAMN M---EM0 ALR-EADY!

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTA: do ii really have to put my 2 cent2 here?  
CTA: iim a pii2blood iit2 obviiou2 ii dont care about anyone2 blood color.  
CTA: a2 for gamzee he probably doe2nt even know what the hemospectrum ii2.

CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTC: mAn I kNoW wHaT tHe SpEcTrUm Is.  
CTC: i ReAlLy LiKe To WaTcH tHe WiCkEd PiCtUrEs tHaT mY mOtHeRfUcKin FrIeNdS’ tExT CoLoRs PaInT.  
CTC: iT’S a MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE.  
CCG: I GUESS I AM A LITTLE STUNNED BY YOUR REACTIONS.  
CCG: MY WHOLE LIFE I THOUGHT THAT THE DAY ANYONE WOULD DISCOVER MY BLOOD COLOR IT WOULD BE THE END FOR ME.  
CCG: BUT IT TURNS OUT NO ONE EVEN CARES?  
CAA: on alternia your every worries would have been justified  
CAA: but since we are the only twelve trolls left things are very different  
CAC: :33 < not just different but also better for once!!! :)  
CCC: 0ur planet is g0ne and 0ur race practically extinct but we )(ave t)(e c)(ance t0 build a better s0ciety.  
CCC: T)(ats what we s)(ould strive f0r!  
CCG: OKAY, ASSHOLES, I’M YOUR NEW LEADER.  
CCG: AND SINCE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT MY BLOOD COLOR, I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP ON HEMOANONIMOUS TYPING.  
CGC: OH GR34T L34D3R YOUR WORDS 4R3 SO MUCH MOR3 1NSP1R1NG 1N TH1S D3L1C1OUSLY D3C4D3NT CH3RRY R3D COLOR  
CCG: THAT’S A PRETTY WEIRD REACTION BUT STILL BETTER THAN OUTRIGHT DISGUST.  
CCG: SPEAKING OF DISGUST, WHO AMONG MY BRIGHT AND BUSHY-TAILED NEW SUBORDINATES HAS NOTICED THAN ONE OF US STILL HASN’T RESPONDED TO THIS MEMO?  
CCG: COME ON, EQUIUS, YOU WANTED ME TO GIVE UP MY HEMOANONIMITY AND HERE I AM.  
CCG: NOW, WHERE ARE YOU? SHOW YOUR FACE, YOU SORE LOSER.  
CAC: :33 < please karkat dont drag your kismesissitude in public!  
CCC: Nepeta, I t)(ink )(e need t)(is.  
CCC: S0metimes, y0u need y0ur enemies’ acceptance even m0re t)(an y0ur friends’.  
CCC: -EQUIUS, PL-EAS-E S)(0W UP B-EF0R---E I MAK--E T)(IS AN IMP-ERIAL 0RD-ER!!!

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> I intended to make a statement regardless of your wishes, Heiress  
CCT: D --> The statement is as follows  
CCT: D --> To Karkat Vantas  
CCT: D --> As you won our duel by the terms we agreed on, I recognize your leadership and will follow your orders as far as this game of Sgrub is concerned  
CCT: D --> However I find myself incapable of being in a relationship with an abomination  
CCT: D --> You can therefore consider our kismesissitude to be over and I will endeavour to personally shun you  
CCT: D --> To the other party present I will simply issue my sincerest disappointment  
CCT: D --> I thought that you were better trolls than this and I won’t forget your blatant disregard for the social order  
CCT: D --> That is all

CCT stopped responding to memo.

CTA: well that wa2 har2h even by EQ2 2tandard2.  
CAC: :33 < you mean that was incredibly rude!!!  
CAC: :33 < dumping Karcat like that in the middle of a public memo!!!  
CGA: If You Would Excuse Me I Must Have A Private Conversation With My Moirail

CGA stopped responding to memo.

CCG: WELL, WHAT DID I EXPECT?  
CCG: I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.  
CAG: You should just give up on Equius, sweetheart.  
CAG: He is a lost cause for common sense.  
CCA: this guy is simply insane  
CCA: fillin your quadrants is already hard enough an he just flings a perfectly good kismesissitude out of the window  
CCG: I DON’T NEED YOU TO TELL ME EQUIUS IS A FOOL AND I DON’T NEED YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PITY EITHER.  
CCG: I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FINE.  
CCG: RIGHT NOW, OUR PROBLEM ISN’T EQUIUS, IT’S FINDING OUT HOW WE ARE GOING TO TAKE OUT A FULLY-PROTOYPED BLACK ROYALTY.  
CCC: I )(AV-E AN ID---EA!  
CCG: COME ON, FEFERI, SHARE IT WITH THE CLASS.  
CCC: W)(en I became a sprite, I gained s0me pretty interesting kn0wledge ab0ut this game.  
CCC: I d0nt kn0w everyfin but I )(ave a g00d 0verview 0f t)(e first part of t)(e pl0t!  
CCG: THIS GAME ACTUALLY HAS A PLOT?  
CCC: OF COURS---E IT DO---ES!  
CCC: Sgrub is a c0ming 0f age st0ry.  
CAT: sO, iT’S JUST ABOUT US BECOMING, uHH, aDULTS?  
CAT: iSN’T IT A LITTLE MUNDANE?  
CCC: N0t just any adults, but )(er0es!  
CCC: T)(ese titles that were assigned to us arent just f0r sh0w.  
CCC: We must live up t0 t)(em by underg0ing a )(er0ic j0urney.  
CCC: First we must d0 the quests 0f 0ur Land, listen t0 0ur consorts and, m0st of all, strive t0 understand and contr0l 0ur Aspect.  
CAG: That’s sounds so booooooooring.  
CAG: Do we really have to do all this?  
CCC: It may seems tedi0us but t)(e reward will be great!!  
CAG: Yeah, speak to me about the reward. ::::)  
CCC: Aspect-related abilities can be gained quickly and t)(ey are quite p0werful!  
CCC: We just began t0 play but the Aspect 0f Life already granted me s0me healing abilities.  
CCC: But d0ing the quests and understand 0ur Aspect merely prepares us t0 c0nfr0nt the Denizen of 0ur Land.  
CCC: By slaying it, we will free 0ur Land and claim its fantastic Grist H0ard as 0ur 0wn.  
CCG: SO THAT’S THE STORY?  
CCG: BECOME THE HERO, SLAY THE MONSTER AND CLAIM THE TREASURE?  
CCG: WHOEVER MADE THIS GAME DIDN’T HAVE A LOT OF IMAGINATION.  
CCG: WELL, DOESN’T MATTER, THE ASPECT-RELATED POWERS YOU SPOKE OF SEEM PROMISING AND A HUGE GRIST HOARD WOULD ALLOW US TO ALCHEMIZE THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS BEFORE FACING THE BLACK KING.  
CCG: SO I ORDER EVERYONE TO FOLLOW THE CLICHED PLOT OUTLINED BY FEFERI.  
CAA: we should be cautious  
CAA: this game is at its most deceptive when it manages to pass as simple  
CCG: DULY NOTED.

> Hours in the future, but not many...

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: hey fef  
CC: )(ell0, -Eridan.  
CA: i only wwanted to tell you that im glad that you are alivve and wwell  
CC: U)(, t)(ats nice but w)(y didnt y0u tell me earlier?  
CA: because i didnt wwant things to be awwkwward betwween us  
CA: because i didnt wwant you to think i wwas hittin on you again an be embarrassed  
CA: just to make things clear thats not wwhats happenin here  
CA: i havve flushed feelings for someone else noww so im 100% sure that i am completely ovver you  
CA: i wwont tell you that i wwant things to go back to the wway they wwere  
CA: because our relationship wwas alwways kinda screwwed up  
CA: but you wwere my vvery first friend  
CA: wwe spend so much time together since grubhood  
CA: an i miss that  
CA: i miss bein able to talk to my best friend  
CC: T)(ats s0 sweet, -Eridan!!! 38D  
CC: I wanted t0 talk t0 y0u t00 but I was afraid 0f re0pening 0ld w0unds.  
CC: After all, I was the 0ne to turn you d0wn, even if I )(ad t0!  
CA: thats alright fef you let me dowwn easy you havve nothing to blame yourself for  
CA: i wwont lie and say i didnt hurt it did but its all in the past noww  
CA: and in retrospect i think its a good thing that you did because im not sure if i wwas evver really flushed for you  
CA: or just thinkin i wwas  
CC: T)(at wouldnt surprise me.  
CC: T)(e declarati0n 0f friendship y0u just made seems s0 much m0re powerful t)(an your declarati0n 0f l0ve did.  
CA: maybe its just neps good influence  
CA: so do you wwant us to go back to bein friends?  
CC: 0F C0URS---E!!!  
CC: W)(y wouldnt I want t0?  
CA: i wwasnt a vvery good friend back then wwith my stupid obsession wwith killin all landwwellers  
CA: i wwas always behavvin like a fool an you wwere tryin your best to keep me in check but lookin back i can see howw tired you wwere of all of it  
CA: that could havve ended in disaster  
CC: But it did n0t.  
CC: -Eridan, t0 be c0mpletly )(0nest, 0ur relat0nship was difficult s0metimes.  
CC: But we are b0t)( to blame for it.  
CC: I asked much of y0u, t00 much.  
CC: My lusus was supp0sed to be my resp0nsability but y0u were the 0ne that )(ad t0 feed her every nig)(t.  
CC: Im saury f0r using y0u t)(is way.  
CA: and im saury for havvin been a demandin little piece of shit in the past  
CC: N0w t)(at we )(ave made amends t0wards eac)( ot)(er, can we g0 back to being friends?  
CA: hell yeah  
CC: I w0uld like t0 t)(ank y0u f0r supporting Karcrab earlier.  
CA: it wwas nofin fef  
CA: honestly i wwould havve supported a potted plant as leader ovver eq  
CC: )(-E )(---E!! 38D  
CA: do you havve feelings for him fef  
CC: Well, I was flus)(ed f0r )(im but Vriska and )(im are flus)(ed for eac)( otter s0 it was n0t meant to be.  
CA: im really saury if i had knowwn you wwere flushed for him i wwould nevver havve asked  
CA: i thought you wwere pale for him because of howw strongly you defended an supported him in the memo  
CA: guess i got the wwrong quadrant im just not as good as this as nep  
CC: W)(AT AB0AT Y0U, MR AMP0RA?  
CC: W)(0 is y0ur new l0ve?  
CA: i cant tell you fef  
CA: not that i dont trust you or anyfin  
CA: ivve only told my moirail an she already mouthed off to ter  
CA: its supposed to be privvate  
CC: Its n0t that )(ard to guess, really!  
CA: really  
CC: Well, if we eliminate y0u and me, t)(ere are 0nly ten tr0lls left.  
CC: Nepeta is y0ur m0irail s0 t)(at makes nine.  
CC: Y0u d0nt s0und as if y0ur l0ve is )(0peless s0 we can eliminate w)(0ever already )(as a matesprit.  
CC: S0 its n0t Karcrab, Vriska, S0llux and Equius. Five tr0lls left.  
CC: Gamzee is in a drugged state m0st 0f t)(e time s0 I d0nt t)(ink you would be flus)(ed f0r )(im.  
CC: Nepetas feelings f0r Terezi are 0bvi0us and y0u w0uld never be your m0irails r0mantic rival.  
CC: Its n0t Tavr0s eit)(er because if y0u were cl0se to )(im, I w0uld kn0w!  
CC: S0 0nly Aradia and Kanaya are left.  
CC: Bot)( are beautiful, smart and available.  
CC: But if I )(ad to guess, I would say youre flus)(ed f0r Aradia.  
CA: why  
CC: I d0nt kn0w s)(e just seems m0re your type.  
CC: Kanaya can be a little t00 serious sometimes, I t)(ink y0u w0uld prefer s0me0ne a little m0re carefree.  
CC: N0t t)(an Aradia cant be serious but s)(e has a fun adventur0us side that I t)(ink w0uld appeal to y0u.  
CA: wwoww  
CA: you just floored me fef  
CA: you are right on all accounts  
CA: i guess neps not the only one to be savvvvy aboat romance  
CC: Glub glub glub!!! 38D  
CC: Well, I am your 0ldest friend!  
CA: anywway you havve to keep quiet fef  
CA: too many people knoww about this already  
CC: I WILL B----E SIL-ENT AS A TOMB!  
CA: it wwas really great talkin to you fef  
CA: wwe should do it again soon  
CC: I AGR----E---E!  
CA: bye  
CC: BY----E!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]


	13. A Moirail's Duty

> Kanaya: Have belated conversation with moirail.

You glare at the gaudily-colored memo you just left. You always knew Equius’ bigotry would eventually raise big problems in his personal life. You gave him gentle admonishments and warnings about it but, as usual, you moirail just ignored you.

Perhaps you should have been blunter. But you were always afraid that, if you told him just how wrong he was, Equius would altogether stop listening to you

GA: Are We Going To Talk About What You Did  
CT: D --> I guess you will not be apologising to me then  
GA: Why Should I Do Such A Thing  
CT: D --> I knew your views on the hemospectrum were somewhat 100se  
CT: D --> But I didn’t think you would bend yourself backward to pamper the mutant like the other f001s  
GA: I Was Fair To Karkat And You Were Not  
CT: D --> Fair  
CT: D --> I wonder what definition of fairness you use to justify your actions  
GA: My Actions Are Not The Ones Who Ought To Be Justified  
CT: D --> My behavior was impeccable  
GA: Including The Part Where You Broke Up With The Kismesis That You Hate Very Much  
CT: D --> I do not hate him anymore  
GA: That Is A Lie  
CT: D --> No  
GA: Yes  
CT: D --> No  
GA: If You Had The Ability To Turn Off Your Feelings For People Because Youre Not Satisfied With Their Social Standing You Would Have Broken Up With Sollux Ages Ago  
CT: D --> It’s completly different  
CT: D --> Sollu%’s social standing is indeed shamefully low but he has a social standing while the mutant does not  
GA: Are You Going To Call Him The Mutant From Now On  
CT: D --> That’s what he is  
GA: Then I Should Call You A Fool Because Thats What You Are  
CT: D --> You can’t insult me, I am your superior  
CT: D --> I demand that you apologize now  
GA: No  
GA: Its Part Of A Moirails Duty To Help You Realize When Youre Being A Fool  
CT: D --> Then I guess it is acceptable to call me a f001 but only when your duty as my moirail forces you to do so  
CT: D --> Nonetheless you should never insult a highb100d Kanaya  
CT: D --> It might get you into trouble even if you’re a jadeb100d  
GA: With Whom I Might Get Into Trouble  
CT: D --> I don’t quite understand  
GA: You Understood Perfectly  
GA: Whose Hands Will Smite Me If I Disrespect A Highblood  
GA: There Are Only Six Trolls Alive Who Stands Higher Than Me On The Hemospectrum And No One Who Cares But You  
GA: There Are No Condesce No Empire No Drones No Subjugglators  
GA: Are You Going To Enforce The Hemospectrum By Yourself  
GA: Because If Today Has Proven Something Its That The Old Order Is Coming Apart At The Seams And That You Stands Alone  
GA: Maybe Its Time For You To Realize Than Alternia Is Gone And Our Race Extinct  
CT: D --> It won’t be so forever  
CT: D --> I have a complete faith in your ability to resurrect our race  
GA: I Thank You For You Faith In Me But We Have To Win This Game First  
GA: And Even If Our Every Hopes Are Fulfilled And The Troll Race Is Thriving Again It Will Be Under The Reign Of Empress Feferi  
GA: And You Know As Well As I Her Point Of View On The Hemospectrum  
CT: D --> Then what is your counsel, my moirail  
GA: I Am Glad You Ask  
GA: I Advise You To Let Go Of The Hemospectrum Before You Alienate Everyone  
GA: If You Havent Done So Already  
GA: I Also Advise You To Take Karkat Back Or Rather To Convince Him To Take You Back After Your Callous Treatment Of Him  
CT: D --> That’s impossible  
CT: D --> Karkat  
CT: D --> I mean the mutant can’t have any concupiscent relationships ever  
CT: D --> We can’t have his mutant genes tainting the slurry  
GA: May I Remind You That There Is No Pails No Slurry And Most Importantly No Mothergrub Right Now  
GA: Also My Earlier Point About Feferi Still Stands  
GA: She Wouldnt Deny Karkat The Right To Contribute To The Gene Pool  
GA: Especially Considering She Was Very Flushed For Him Until Recently  
CT: D --> The Heiress flushed for a mutant  
CT: D --> This is scandalous  
CT: D --> Depraved  
GA: What About The First Part Of My Advice  
CT: D --> I’m not stupid, Kanaya, I realize that my belief in the hemospectrum is isolating me from the rest of the team  
CT: D --> But you can’t stop believing in something because it would be advantageous for you to do so  
CT: D --> So I’m afraid I can’t follow any of your advice  
GA: Will You Think About It At Least  
CT: D --> I will

> Tavros: Barely escape death.

“That was a close one!”

You land softly on the beach of the Land of Maps and Treasure. The snazzy Rocket Boots that grace your feet – a gift from Vriska and almost identical to her own pair – just saved your life. Without them, you never would have managed to make it out of Cetus’ lair in time.

Vriska’s denizen was supposed to be asleep. It wasn’t. Cetus was very much awake and angry when you confronted it. It paid you the same amount of attention as it would have a gnat and stayed focused on Vriska, throwing gibberish at her during the whole encounter. You tried very hard to fight it but it was just too strong. Unbeatably strong. Vriska’s luckiest rolls and your most powerful attacks didn’t even scratch his scales. In the end, you were lucky to escape with your lives.

“What was it saying earlier?” you ask your moirail, who plopped down on the beach next you.

“What????????”

“Cetus. It looked like it was really important but I couldn’t understand a word of it.”

“Just more annoying riddles. Some stuff about a choice? I didn’t really listen,” replies Vriska sullenly.

“Still, he could be pretty significant plot-wise. We should not forget to tell the others when we recount our story.”

“What? Why would we do that????????”

“Huhhh, Feferi told us the Denizens were still asleep but they weren’t. And they are really strong. We must warn the others so they don’t confront their Denizens before being completely ready to take them on.”

“Like we did, you mean?”

You blush. Vriska’s plan had been a good one. Slit the Denizen’s throat while it was asleep, save yourselves the trouble of fighting it later. But you should have expected it wouldn’t be that easy. 

“I’m sure your plan would have worked if Cetus had been asleep,” you stutter. “But it wasn’t so uhh... no one will think less of us for not being able to defeat the final boss at the very beginning of the game.”

“Just forget it ever happened, pupa.”

“But what if someone get hurt because we held our peace?”

“Then, that’s their problems and not ours.” Vriska rolls her eyes. “They just had to be strong enough not to get hurt.”

“But, uhh, we’re a team. How can we win if we don’t help each other?” 

Vriska just laughs softly.

“Sweet pupa. I wondered how you survived before meeting me.”

I had friends that got my back. I wonder how you did.

“If you don’t tell them, I will.” you say and you can feel a little bit of iron in your voice. Vriska hears it because she looks at you with wide eyes.

“No!!!!!!!! I forbid you to tell the others that this ridiculous sea monster defeated me! Because it hasn’t! I know just the way to level-up, then I can beat Cetus and you will tell everyone the story of my rousing victory.”

You expected an outburst of some kind but not this one. You expected Vriska to get angry and berate your for wanting to disobey her. Instead, she just looks desperate, as if she had driven herself into a corner.

“What? What mean to level-up?” you stammers.

“I will show you, pupa.”

Vriska takes flight with her Rocket Boots and you quickly follow her. She leads you to a stone cocoon, high on one of LOMAT’s islets. Inside, there is a circular slab of stone with the symbol of Light. She lays on it.

“Now, you just need to kill me and I will reach the God Tier!”

“What? No!”

The very idea revolts you.

“I won’t stay dead, silly pupa. I will be reborn as a Goddess with immortality and tremendous powers.”

“How do you know that?”

Now, Vriska just sounds annoyed.

“Despite what you think, I do speak to my Consorts and do some quests, Tavros. I figured it out!”

“So you’re not sure?”

“You have to take a gamble once in a while.”

“A gamble?” you choke. “If this fails, you are dead... permanently dead!”

“It’s better to be dead than useless,” replies Vriska grimly.

No, you want to scream at her. I’d rather you be useless than dead!

But saying this would only make Vriska call you a softie again so you swallow your words.

“You aren’t useless right now. You are one of our strongest fighters. If you died, the team would be crippled. Please think about this, Vriska.”

“Stop fretting, pupa, I’ll be fine. Now hurry up and kill me!”

“I won’t do it, Vriska. I can’t.”

You feel your eyes watering and you do your best to fight back the tears. Too late. She saw them.

“God, why do you have to be such a wimp all the time?” she grumbles. 

“Do you realize what you’re asking of me?” you say softly. “What will I tell Karkat, Feferi and all our friends if you don’t come back? I’m sorry I killed Vriska, it was her idea? Scratch the others, I would have to live the rest of my lives knowing I murdered my moirail because I was too much of a coward to stand up to her. I won’t kill you, Vriska. And, if you try to kill yourself, I will stop you.”

Vriska laughs throatily.

“Do you really think you can, pupa?”

She’s stronger than you. You’ve always known it. But now, you realize she’s also a great deal more foolish. If she decides to do this, neither your words, nor your deeds will be able to stop her. You will have to watch your moirail die. 

You expect this realization to make you sink into despair. Instead, you look upon your moirail’s beautiful, mocking face and get angry. 

“How could you do this?” you explode. “Is your pride really this important? Would you die for it? Because that’s a stupid reason to die!”

“Don’t patronize me, Tavros! My life is my own. It’s my decision.”

“Really? Aren’t Karkat and I part of your life? Do we factor anywhere in your decision? Don’t you care about potentially breaking your matesprit’s heart? Don’t you care about breaking mine by asking me to kill you?”

“It’s not my fault you’re so soft-hearted!”

“How is not wanting to kill your moirail soft-hearted?” you shout. “Moirails are supposed to care about each other! Moirails are supposed to protect each other! And I’m trying my hardest to protect you but you don’t even listen to me. All that matters to you is getting what you want and you don’t give a damn if anyone gets hurts. Can you, just for once, put aside you enormous ego and think about other people’s feelings?”

“I’m trying to help you, stupid!” she cries out.

“How could killing you help me in any way? Even the strongest, toughest of troll would be hard-pressed to hurt his or her moirail. That’s the whole point of moirallegiance!”

Your mind jumps to the logical conclusion.

“It’s not about helping me, right? It’s about making it easier for you. You found it harder than you thought to kill yourself so you wanted me to do the deed for you.”

“I’m not afraid of death!”

“Yes, you are. It means that common sense still hasn’t completely left you. You’re afraid to lose your life because you value it. How can you consider that shameful?”

“Of course, you wouldn’t consider it shameful!” she spits. “Having your hand held back by fear is the mark of a coward and I refuse to be one!”

“Risking your life for no good reason is the mark of a fool and you obviously don’t mind being one! You aren’t going to reach the God Tier, Vriska. To ascend, you obviously need to face your mortality and you aren’t ready to do that yet. Like you failed to beat Cetus because you weren’t ready! When will you realize that you can’t always cheat your way to the top? When will you fucking grow up?”

Vriska’s openly staring at you now. She looks almost concerned.

“Okay, Tavros, calm down. Everything’s fine.”

“No, everything’s not fine. How can I be your moirail if you don’t care about my feelings? How can I be your moirail if you never listen?”

“I am listening now. Just close your eyes and breathe in deeply.”

“I don’t want to close my eyes. What if you do something while my eyes are closed?”

“I promise I won’t do anything. If this relationship is going anywhere, we need to trust each other. Otherwise, we might as well break up now.”

Vriska’s blunt but she’s right. A healthy moirallegiance is built on trust.

“You swear you won’t do anything?”

“I swear.”

You close your eyes and slow your breath. Vriska puts a hand on your brow. Her skin feels cooler than usual but the sensation is pleasant. Soothing.

“I never thought I would ever pacify you.”

“I never thought I would need it.”

You always knew the trolls were a violent race but you had never felt proper, trollish anger before. Now that it’s gone, chased away by your moirail’s hands, you feel a little bit drained but intensely relieved. You had no idea how badly you needed to say these things to Vriska.

“I’m sorry.”

“What???????? Why are you apologizing, pupa?”

“I should have told you all this sweeps ago. It’s true that you don’t listen to me enough but I never strived to make my voice heard either. Often, I disagreed with you but dared not say anything because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me anymore. I truly am a coward.”

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t always speak up. You were here and you were always so gentle. It made me act gentler too. If you hadn’t become my moirail, I would probably be a horrible person. Well, an even more horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person, Vriska,” you say wearily. “You’re just very selfish sometimes. Like, you seriously killed Karkat’s lusus? What the hell?”

You are pleased to see Vriska’s looking down guiltily, a faint cerulean blush on her cheeks.

“Okay, maybe that was a little inconsiderate. I should probably apologize to him... sometimes.”

“Will you try to reach the God Tier?”

“No. To be honest, I don’t really want to. But, if something ever happens to me... you must promise to bring me here.”

“I promise.”

“Let’s get out of here now.”

You fly back to the beach. You have no idea how much time has passed since you entered the stone cocoon and there is no way to tell on LOMAT. The sky is always the faded golden of old maps, tinged with purple. You take some time to watch the beautiful, alien colors. The anger has completely left you now. It seems so very far away. But all is not resolved yet.

“We still have to tell the others about what happened.”

“I’ll speak to Karkat later.”

You break away for your contemplation of the sky to look at your moirail. She is observing you intently. 

“I’m very proud of you for speaking up, Tavros. I really wanted to help you get stronger but I went about it the wrong way. I thought that, if I was hard enough with you, it would toughen you up.”

With the life she led, it’s no wonder she thought that.

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t always do the right thing. You were there and you were always so strong. It made me try my hardest to become braver, more assertive. If you hadn’t become my moirail, I would have stayed hopelessly weak. Well, weaker than I am.”

Vriska smiles.

“You’re not weak. You just lack self-confidence sometimes. But I promise you we’ll fix this problem!!!!!!!!”

“Let’s do our best to become better moirails and people,” you say sedately. 

“God, you’re so mushy sometimes, Tavros. But... I kinda like it.”

> Some time later...

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THE GAME [CHECK THIS REGULARLY, ASSHOLES]

CCG: WE HAVE SOME PRETTY DAMN IMPORTANT PIECES OF NEWS ABOUT THE DENIZENS.  
CCG: LONG STORY SHORT: THEY’RE AWAKE, THEY’RE ANGRY AND THEY WILL TOAST YOUR ASS IF YOU BOTHER THEM.

CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCC: Are y0u sure?  
CCC: T)(eyre supp0sed t0 be still asleep at t)(is p0int!  
CCG: WELL, THEY AREN’T.  
CCG: SO DO NOT CONFRONT THEM BEFORE YOU ARE SURE YOU’RE READY.

CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAA: sounds like someone did just that  
CAA: dare i presume who?  
CCG: SHUT UP, ARADIA.  
CCG: IT’S NOT A DISCUSSION MEMO AND DEFINITELY NOT A GLOATING MEMO.  
CCG: TO COME BACK ON TOPIC, WHEN YOU DO FACE YOUR DENIZEN, IT WILL PROBABLY SPEAK TO YOU IN RIDDLES.  
CCG: SO, BEFORE CHARGING AHEAD LIKE AN IDIOT, TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO WHATEVER IT HAS TO SAY IN CASE IT’S IMPORTANT.  
CCC: T)(e likely)(00d 0f it being imp0rtant is pretty )(igh!  
CCC: We sprites kn0w little of the Denizens and n0w it seems even 0ur scant kn0wledge is a lie.  
CCC: I W0ULD –EX-ERC-E CAUTI0N!!!  
CAA: i agree with feferi  
CAA: i dont know why the game thought it necessary to deceive its own constructs about the denizens but these monsters seems more important than ordinary video game bosses  
CCG: NOW THAT EVERYONE IS PROPERLY WARNED ABOUT THE DENIZENS, IF ANYONE FUCKS WITH THEM AND GETS HIMSELF KILLED, I WILL MAKE HIM RUE THE DAY OF HER HATCHING.  
CCG: AND ARADIA, SERIOUSLY DON’T SAY ANYTHING.  
CCG: DO NOT EVEN THINK IT.  
CAA: i thought it was your matesprit that was psychic  
CCG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ANNOY ME, YOU SHOULD REALLY FIND YOURSELF A KISMESIS AND GO BOTHER HER INSTEAD.  
CCG: OR HIM.  
CAA: if thats an order...

CAA stopped responding to memo.

CCG: SERIOUSLY, RELATIONSHIP DRAMA?  
CCG: THIS WHOLE GAME IS GOING TO HELL.  
CCG: ANYWAY, TO COME BACK TO A SUBJECT WE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT, WE MAY HAVE FOUND ANOTHER WAY TO BRING BACK DEAD PLAYERS.  
CCG: YOU SHOULD FIND SOMEWHERE ON YOUR PLANET A STONE COCCOON WITH A SLAB BEARING YOUR SYMBOL INSIDE.  
CCG: APPARENTLY, DYING ON THE SLAB BRINGS THE PLAYER BACK TO LIFE IMMORTAL AND MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER.  
CCG: LIKE THE KISS THING, IT’S COMPLETLY UNVERIFIED AND IT SHOULD STAY THAT WAY.  
CCG: IF ANYONE ACTUALLY TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF ON THAT SLAB, I WILL MAKE SURE HE STAYS PERMANENTLY DEAD.  
CCG: BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU AND YOU’RE NEAR YOUR QUEST COCOON, IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE SO BE SURE TO LOOK FOR IT.  
CCG: VANTAS, OUT.

CCG closed memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took such a long time... I don't have much time to write and I was concentrating on my other fanfiction. If you like Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire, feel free to check out First of Her Name ! *advertising time over*
> 
> Anyway, this chapter was also long in coming because it took me forever to get the Tavros/Vriska scene right. I hope you liked it!
> 
> And, in case you noticed it, the mix-up in pronouns in Karkat's threat is not a mistake. He was just thinking of Vriska as he was typing.


	14. The Erisolfef Entanglement

> Narration: Open in media res.

You are Eridan Ampora and you are miserable. 

Being on your shitty planet is in and of itself a sufficient reason to be miserable. However, today, it’s your company that is truly making you chagrined.

And you’re not speaking of the company of angels. 

“How can you know that?” you hear Fef’s beautiful, angry voice behind you.

“I’m the Page of Doom,” replies Captor in a bored tone. “I can thee your Doom. You jutht reek of it.” 

“Are you seeing it or smelling it?”

“Thight and thmell are practically the thame thing.”

“Sight and smell have nothing to do with each other, you idiot! Right, Eridan?”

You manage to grumble noncommittally. If there is one pair you don’t want to fling your Club at, it’s this one. 

You just got Fef back as a friend. You don’t want to spend your time together playing arbiter between her and Captor. 

Moreover, Fef is your grubhood friend while you barely know Sollux Captor. There’s no way you could be impartial. You would make a shitty auspistice indeed.

“You’re a Thprite tho you’re doomed to go to the Battlefield and die there. But your Doom ith even thtronger that an ordinary Thprite’th. It’th like a cherry of Doom on top a triple chocolate thundae of Doom.”

“Saying that doesn’t serve any purpose.”

“I’m jutht helping you prepare to the inevitable.”

“You don’t know whether it is inevitable or not! Doom is not the only Aspect of this game. There is also Life. There is also Hope! It’s just easier to say that your visions are inevitable because then, you don’t have to do a damn thing about averting them!”

You’re not going to let your desperation to fill your quadrants push you in an unhealthy relationship. As far as you can see, Fef and Captor don’t need an auspistice at all.

Both of their Spades are free. Fef is usually gentle and sweet but you think it would do her good to have someone to fling her aggressiveness at. And maybe Captor would hate himself less if he had someone to properly hate.

No, you’re not going to touch this relationship with a fifty-foot pole.

How did you end up stuck with these two anyway? You can’t imagine three trolls less likely to be involved together, romantically or not.

> Eridan: Have a convenient flashback 

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CA: hey ara  
AA: hello!  
CA: i wwondered if you could help me about somefin  
AA: sure, shoot!  
CA: wwell kar said wwe had to do our quests  
CA: an you knoww im as diligent as anyone  
CA: but its kinda hard to solvve wweird puzzle shit wwith a hord of angels tryin to kill you  
CA: an i swwear ivve tried to leavve them alone but noww this murderous little shits are attackin unprovvoked  
CA: you knoww so much aboat this game i thought you might havve an idea  
AA: i cant give you any advice without more data  
AA: i think its time i see these angels for myself  
AA: do you mind if i pop on your planet?  
CA: of course not i wwould be delighted to sea you  
CA: but i havve to wwarn you its not exactly a friendly place  
AA: im sure i will be able to handle it just fine :)  
AA: see you soon

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Aradia comes to your planet dressed as Troll Indiana Jones, complete with the whip and cowboy hat.

When she sees you, she tips her hat at you with a smile. You don’t know if the gesture is ironical or not but you can’t help smiling back.

“I told you we would meet in person!” she says brightly.

“Hey, Ara, looking good.”

“We should duck.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“We have to duck. Right now!”

You just have the time to throw yourself to the ground before a laser beam lops your head off. Aradia recovers faster than you, sending her whip flying and ensnaring the angel with it.

“They can throw laser beams. Interesting.” she says, voice perfectly even as she looks closely at the angel writhing on the ground.

You jump up and quickly dust yourself off.

“How did you know we would be attacked?”

“Thank my future self. She tipped me off. Looks like we’ll have to kill this one.”

She almost seems to regret it.

One minute of continuous fire from Ahab’s Crosshair does the trick.

“They’re incredibly hard to kill. Fast, lethal and violent. It attacked when we had our backs turned to it and were behaving in a non-threatening way.”

“I think they have a grudge on me. Since I attacked them first, you know.”

“A grudge?” Aradia smiles whimsically. “Yes, that would be right. The Consorts are small, cute, pretty stupid and utterly harmless. Since these Angels seem to be their polar opposite, it makes sense that they would be vicious and intelligent enough to hold a grudge. What disquiets me more is the... sound they make.”

“These creepy whispers? I try not to listen to that.”

“They remind me a little of the whispers of the Horrorterrors but I can’t make out any words. I don’t think you should listen to them either.”

“But you listen to the Horrorterrors all the time.”

“The Horrorterrors can make you mad while trying to help you. These are obviously not trying to help. I think they just want to mess with your head.”

“So should I kill them or not?”

Aradia shakes her head.

“But they are dangerous, malevolent! You said so yourself, Ara. What am I supposed to do with them?”

“That’s a very good question. What’s the in-game purpose of the Angels?”

“Making my life miserable?”

Aradia laughs.

“Yes and no. They do make your life miserable but they may be a hidden boon.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“The Consorts give the Hero information and moral support but they’re just too weak and stupid to provide any other kind of help. Your Angels are smart and powerful fighters.”

“Yeah, but they won’t help me in any way after what I’ve done to them.”

“I spoke to the Horrorterrors about you, Eridan. They call you the Lord of Angels.”

“Do you mean that, this whole time, I’ve been killing my own army?”

“You must find the way to control them.” says Aradia sternly. “And for that, you must do the quests of your land, even if everything around you is trying to kill you. The only advice I can give you is to keep one or two friends around all the time. I would recommend Feferi and Sollux.”

“Why Captor?”

“Sollux has the ability to create an Area of Doom around him where everything withers and dies. The Angels wouldn’t be able to approach you and you could disperse them using Ahab’s Crosshair and Sollux’s long-range psionics.”

“Okay, why Fef then?”

“Sollux doesn’t have a full control of his Doom abilities yet. When I said, everything withered and died around him, I meant everything except Sollux himself, including allies and neutral parties. That’s why Feferi has to be here. Her powers as the Sylph of the Life should be enough to protect you and herself from Sollux’s Doom sickness. You can’t bring one without the other but, if you bring them both, be careful. There is the beginning of something black between them.”

“Fef?” You can’t help but laugh. “I can’t picture her hating anyone yet. She’s just too sweet.”

“But she is also very spirited,” replies Aradia, smiling. “Sollux’s been my friend as long as Feferi was yours but I know he isn’t always easy to get along with.”

“Let’s forget about Fef and Captor for now. You’re the one with me and I’d rather go on a quest with you than anyone else. If that’s okay with you, Ara?”

“Sure. I’d be delighted to help.”

> Narration: Hop to another, even earlier point in time.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

AA: hello  
CC: )(I !  
AA: do you have a moment?  
AA: id like to speak to you about an important matter  
AA: concerning gamzee  
CC: S)(0re!  
CC: Is )(e alright?  
AA: right now yes  
AA: but gamzee has the violent tendencies of the subjugglators  
AA: the sopor slime is keeping them suppressed but it wont last forever  
CC: W)(at can we d0 ab0at it?  
AA: gamzee is learning to control his rage  
AA: this trial is his to overcome and his alone  
AA: still i think it would be better if he had always one friend with him to keep him grounded  
AA: and to sound the alarm if he becomes dangerous  
AA: sollux and i are rotating right now  
AA: would you be ok with joining us?  
CC: 0F C0URS---E!  
CC: I will d0 everyfin I can t0 supp0rt Clamzee!  
CC: But w0uldnt it be better if every0ne participated?  
AA: i spoke of this only with sollux and you  
AA: im afraid that if the others were to learn the truth they couldnt help but see gamzee as a threat first and a troll second  
AA: he really doesnt need this  
AA: so i would appreciate it if you kept what i told you a secret  
CC: If y0u deem it best, I will.  
AA: thank you

apocalypseArisen [AA] has granted cuttlefishCuller [CC] access to private bulletin board murderclown watch.

> Feferi: Switch conversation to bulletin board.

CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board murderclown watch.

CCC: D0 y0u make 0bversati0ns ab0at Clamzee )(ere?

CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAA: yes   
CAA: the name is   
CAA: unfortunate   
CAA: i didnt choose it

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTA: the name ii2 fiine.  
CTA: you have two look at thiing2 the way they are.  
CCC: Is Clamzee really this danger0us?  
CTA: oh no he2 fiine.  
CTA: iif he fliip2 hii2 2hiit, he2 ju2t goiing to 2kewer u2 a liittle.  
CTA: iin a friiendly way.  
CCC: Y0u d0nt need to be s0 flippant!  
CCC: I was just surprised.  
CCC: Clamzee is t)(e sweetest tr0ll I kn0w.  
CCC: Whale, sec0nd sweetest after Tavr0s.  
CCC: I reelly cant sea )(im as a murderer.  
CTA: ii couldnt eiither.  
CTA: turn2 out 2ometiime2 youre completely wrong about people.  
CTA: and liife manage2 to 2crew you iin new and iinventiive way2.  
CAA: dont give up on him sollux  
CAA: i think his true nature really is sweet  
CAA: and he may never become a murderer!  
CTA: ii wouldnt bet on iit if ii were you.  
CCC: )(0w can y0u be s0 certain )(e will end up like t)(is?  
CCC: D0nt y0u )(ave a little fait)( in )(im?  
CCC: Isnt )(e y0ur friend?  
CTA: iit2 becau2e he2 my friiend that ii have zero faiith in hiim.  
CTA: 2trong wiill ii2nt gamzee2 2trong 2uiit.  
CTA: and iim 2o 2ure he wiill kiill u2 becau2e ii 2aw iit.  
CCC: I refuse to believe it!  
CTA: that doe2nt make iit untrue.  
CAA: even if gamzee kills some of us  
CAA: death in this game isnt always permanent  
CAA: feferi is the living proof of it  
CTA: you wont be able to come back after he kiill2 your dream 2elf AA.  
CCC: ST0P SAYING T)(-ES-E )(0RRIBL------E T)(INGS!!!  
CCC: Announcing Aradia t)(e deat)( of )(er dream self like it was n0fin!!!  
CCC: T)(ats s0 cruel!

CCC stopped responding to memo.

CAA: you upset her  
CTA: ii told her the blunt truth 2he2 ju2t two chiildii2h two accept iit.  
CTA: ii dont have tiime two lose wiith people who expect realiity to conform to theiir ro2e-tiinted viiew of the world.  
CTA: iit wa2 to be expected wiith a 2poiiled fii2h priince22.  
CAA: i never saw you being so harsh to anyone before :)  
CTA: youre kiiddiing AA iim liike that wiith everyone.  
CAA: looks like like hatred at first sight to me  
CAA: i should have expected it to happen when your overly pessimistic evaluation of the world collided with feferi’s overly optimistic one.  
CTA: are you NP2 black counterpart now?  
CTA: 2hall we talk about your black pro2pect2 then?  
CTA: ii2 VK 2tiill leadiing you on?  
CAA: shes all talk and no show :)  
CAA: i bet your little heiress will be fierier  
CTA: now youre po2iitiively cheeky AA.  
CAA: i am and you know you love me  
CTA: ii cant beliieve iim dii2cu22iing quadrant2 wiith you.  
CTA: even NP dont manage to rope me iinto the2e 2tupiid conver2atiion2.  
CAA: you should listen more to nepeta  
CAA: she is wiser than us all  
CTA: ii thiink ii wiill leave thii2 memo before lo2iing all my diigniity.  
CAA: you already lost that when you started dating equius  
CTA: that wa2 2uch a low blow, AA.  
CTA: can you 2tart datiing ED 2o our mate2priits wiill be the two biiggest dork2 on the team?  
CTA: ii need thii2 for 2ymmetry.  
CAA: hate you sol :)  
CTA: hate you two 2ii2

CTA stopped responding to memo.

CAA: my my gamzee is having some influence on you :)

CAA closed memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took so long. I promise you that major events are coming up, starting with the next chapter. 
> 
> If you like to do Homestuck RP, please check my new Tumblr, skaianetgames. I'm organizing a fantroll session.


	15. Denizens part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shit is finally going down...

> Feferi: Be a supportive friend. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine, Clamzee? Don’t you want me to come with you?”

“Don’t you worry, fishsis. It’s something I have to do all by my wicked self.”

You’re almost at the center of Gamzee’s planet and it’s boiling hot. Your friend’s face is covered in sweat but he is still smiling sedately, as always.

Well, Gamzee’s doped smile is not exactly the same as it used to be. It has grown more brittle recently as he has tried to deal with his Aspect. 

It’s hard for a highblood to control his Rage. Especially when voices in his head urge him to slaughter.

Gamzee is doing extremely well for a troll in his situation and you are very proud of him. He has done all his quests and earned the right to confront his Denizen. 

Yet, now that you stand before the massive basalt doors leading to its lair, you can’t help fearing for him. You do not doubt Gamzee’s strength. He is deceptively quick and his attacks are devastating. But the one he will have to face is none other than Yaldabaoth, the Gods of all Monsters. 

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you’re in trouble. I’ll get you out of there in no time!”

Gamzee nods somewhat dazedly before turning towards the door. It opens as his slightest touch and it would have clamped shut behind him if you had not blocked it. With the door open just a crack, you will be able to hear if Gamzee cries out for you. 

After about twenty minutes of nervous pacing, something flies out of the door. You lunge forward just in time to catch your friend’s inanimate body. Why didn’t he call me for me? He should have called!

Gamzee’s body is a horror. His skin is scorched and nearly every bone in his body is broken. He is also not breathing. 

You swallow back tears. Gamzee is beyond the help of a healer but not the help of a friend. He died seconds ago, minutes at most. You can still save him. 

You bend your head and kiss the lips of your fallen friend. 

Nothing happens. Total anticlimax. 

Some part of you expected Gamzee’s eyes to flow open and his chest to start moving again. You chastise yourself for your stupidity. If your kiss has worked, Gamzee is awake on Derse in his dreamself’s body. 

There is only way to make sure your friend is fine.

You quickly grab your tablet and open Trollian. 

CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board EMERGENCY [DO NOT SPAM THIS BOARD, ASSHOLES]

CCC: S0mefin went terribly wr0ng when Clamzee c0nfr0nted )(is Denizen.  
CCC: )(es dead.  
CCC: I tried t0 revive )(im wit)( the kiss t)(ing but I d0nt know if it )(as w0rked!  
CCC: C0uld s0me0ne please c)(eck on Derse to see if )(es ok?

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: SHIT.  
CCG: MY DREAMSELF IS STILL NOT AWAKE BUT I’LL GET ARADIA, VRISKA OR TAVROS TO CHECK IMMEDIATELY.

CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAA: im there  
CAA: ill do it  
CAA: did you revive him with a kiss?  
CCC: Y-ES! I wasnt s)(0re I c0uld reac)( )(is Quest C0c00n 0n time.  
CCC: Did I d0 s0mefin wr0ng?  
CCC: Aradia?  
CAA: i  
CAA: i dont know  
CAA: im going to sleep now

> Be Aradia a few minutes ago. 

You are sitting cross-legged in the Land of Thought and Flow, frowning at the tyrian lines on your husktop. 

Feferi’s story worries you on more than on account. Gamzee was one of the strongest fighters of your team. You thought him ready to face his Denizen. For him to be killed so easily does not bode well at all for Terezi. 

You glance back towards Clotho’s lair. You can’t see anything but Terezi will signal you if she’s in trouble. If the worst were to happen, you could revive her, as Feferi did with Gamzee. 

You feel cold sweat on the nape of your neck. What will happen now that Gamzee is not just awake on Derse but also fully aware of himself? You should have thought about it sooner. You should have warned Feferi...

You close your eyes. Regrets are useless, even dangerous to a Time player. You cannot allow yourself to be caught in the should-have-dones and might-have-beens. If Gamzee has lost his mind to the Horrorterrors, it is your duty to prevent him from hurting your friends.

You type a short message in your personal memo road to the undoing and, within a few seconds, a doomed version of yourself appears to watch over Terezi. She nods at you before knocking you out. 

CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board EMERGENCY [DO NOT SPAM THIS BOARD, ASSHOLES]

CAA: gamzee has gone berserk  
CAA: the moon of derse is gone

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN “GONE”?  
CAA: gone as in reduced to rubbles  
CAA: the red team’s dream selves are probably dead  
CAA: mine definitely is

CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAT: uHHH, eXCUSE mE, bUT WHAT HAPPENED TO gAMZEE EXACTLY?  
CAT: aND HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR DREAM SELF IS DEAD?  
CAA: when i went to sleep i didnt wake on derse  
CAA: instead i found myself in the furthest ring face to face with the horrorterrors  
CAA: they told me what happened  
CAA: gamzee was revived on derse but the horrorterrors’ whispers were too much for his fragile mind to handle  
CAA: he went off the deep end  
CCG: OKAY, I AM SPAMMING EVERYBODY RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: YOU ASSHOLES HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO REPLY TO THIS MEMO AND GIVE ME YOUR LOCATION.

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAG: I’m with Tavros on LOSAZ!!!!!!!!

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCA: me and nep are on lowwaa

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTA: iim iin my hiive.

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGA: Likewise  
CAA: terezi wont answer  
CAA: shes fighting her denizen  
CCG: WHAT? THIS IS THE WORST TIMING EVER!  
CCA: is ter goin to be alright?  
CAA: i have one of my alternate self ready to jump to her rescue at the slightest call for help  
CCG: FEFERI IS STILL CONNECTED. WHY THE FUCK ISN’T SHE REPLYING TO THIS MEMO?  
CCG: SOLLUX, CAN YOU REMOTELY ACTIVATE HER VIEWPORT FEATURE?  
CTA: there2 nothiing on the viiewport.  
CTA: iit look2 liike her tablet ii2 ju2t lyiing on the floor.  
CCG: SHIT SHIT SHIT  
CCG: WHAT IF SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID BECAUSE SHE BLAMES HERSELF FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING?  
CGA: Unfortunately There Is Nothing We Can Do For Her Right Now  
CGA: Except Eliminating The Threat That Gamzee Represents  
CCG: AGREED.  
CCG: COULD YOU TELL YOUR THINKPAN-DAMAGED MOIRAIL TO REPLY TO THS FUCKING MEMO?  
CCG: HE’S STILL BLOCKING ME.

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> It is not necessary for me to participate in this discussion  
CCT: D --> I won’t help you fight the highb100d  
CCT: D --> Instead I applaud him for finally embracing his true nature  
CCT: D --> It is his right to eliminate rabble such as ourselves  
CAG: You m8r8n, 8re you g8ing to help G8mzee????????  
CCT: D --> It is not my place to help him  
CCT: D --> I have no right to participate in his righteous rampage  
CCT: D --> But I will bow to his wishes, as should you  
CCG: YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.  
CCG: YOU ARE ALSO NO LONGER A PART OF THIS TEAM.

CCG banned CCT from responding to memo.

CCG: ARADIA, DID THE HORRORTERRORS TELL YOU WHERE GAMZEE IS HEADING?  
CAA: hes flying straight towards prospit  
CAA: but we still have some time before he arrives  
CGA: He Obviously Wants To Kill Our Dream Selves Before Attacking Us  
CGA: To Eliminate All Possibility Of Revivals  
CCG: ARE THE BLUE TEAM’S DREAM SELVES ALL AWAKE?  
CGA: Mine Is  
CCA: yes for both me and nep  
CTA: ye2  
CCG: YOU MUST STOP GAMZEE ON PROSPIT.  
CCG: BUT YOU CAN’T JUST GO TO SLEEP ANYWHERE. YOU’D BE TOO VULNERABLE.  
CCG: EVERYONE COME TO MY HIVE.  
CCG: BLUE TEAM MEMBERS GO TO SLEEP WHILE RED TEAM MEMBERS WATCH OVER THEM.  
CCG: IF THINGS GO WRONG ON PROSPIT, WE’LL BE TOGETHER WHEN HE COMES FOR US.  
CTA: were all goiing to diie.

> Karkat: Plan. 

You stare at Sollux’s prediction and hope to Hell it won’t come true. 

Four against one should be a good odd but you don’t feel confident at all. Kanaya and Nepeta are excellent fighters but they can’t hurt Gamzee without getting close to him... and risking being bludgeoned to death by the demented clown. Sollux has long-range psionics but he already considers the battle lost. You can’t trust him to take down Gamzee. 

Which leaves only...

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: ERIDAN.  
CG: AS SOON AS YOU SEE GAMZEE, YOU SHOOT HIM DEAD.  
CA: i wwas already plannin on doin that  
CA: theres no wway im lettin him go wwithin a hundred feet of nep  
CG: GOOD.  
CG: NOW, DON’T SCREW THIS UP OR WE WILL ALL BE IN DEEP SHIT.  
CA: relax kar ivve got this  
CA: sea you in fivve minutes

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

It feels wrong to leave the fate of your team in the hands of a cape-wearing seadweller douche but you have no other choice. It would all be different if that bulgesucker _Equius_ had not abandoned you. He is probably the only team member (ex-team member) that could throttle Gamzee and _live_. 

Your gut churns with burning hatred as you reread what Equius wrote. God, you are black for this asshole but he obviously isn’t black for you. You don’t leave your kismesis to die. Well, you don’t leave your moirail and matesprit to die either but it seemed Equius chose to do just that. 

If Gamzee comes for him, he will kneel to the motherfucker and let himself be killed. The image brings bile into your throat so you dismiss it. 

You stare at your Trollian window but there is no comfort to be found there. Feferi is still connected, still not answering any of your increasingly desperate messages. You have no idea where she is and there is nothing you can do to help her. 

You can only stand next to the bodies of your sleeping friends as they fight off the monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Eridan really shoot Gamzee? Will Equius' death be as dumb as in canon? Where is Feferi? (You have three guesses and the first two don't count.) What the hell is happening to Terezi? 
> 
> All these questions and more will be answered in "Denizens part two" (Hopefully on your screens soon.)


	16. Denizens part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love confessions: 2. Messy break-ups: 1. Problems resolved: 0.

> Nepeta: Be the Knight of Heart.

Eridan and you were in the middle of a feelings jam when his husktop and your tablet started beeping like crazy. You read over Eridan’s shoulder when he replied to the memo and when he answered Karkat.

"I can’t believe you decided to kill Gamzee just like that!”

Your moirail stares at you, somewhat discomfited.

“Why are you so upset, Nep? You barely know the guy.”

“It’s the purr-ciple of the thing. Gamzee’s our teammate. We should try to help him.”

Now, Eridan is looking at you as if _you_ were mad.

“Nep, you don’t realize how dangerous Gam is.”

“I do,” you cut him off. “But we shouldn’t kill him if there is any other way.”

Eridan is frowning deeply.

“Why shouldn’t we? We killed trolls before, to protect our race. Now, we need to do it again. What’s different? Gamzee’s nothing but a threat to us.”

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right”, you sight. “But I thought, after joining this game, we wouldn’t have to do this anymore. I am the Hero of Heart. I should be able to help Gamzee, shouldn’t I?”

“He’s a Subjugglator, Nep. You can’t hug the crazy out of him.”

“Just let me think of something, Eridan.”

You should be able to do something. You’ve done so many quests, reached the top of your echeladder, even confronted and killed your Denizen. You remember Psyche’s kind, alien face as she beamed over you. _“How far are you willing to go to be the Knight of Heart? No, do not answer me, child. The Choice will come to you when the time is right. You will know.”_

Your mouth hangs open as you finally understand the meaning of your Denizen’s words.

“What’s the matter, Nep?”

You swallow and answer carefully:

“I just thought of something. But I need to speak with my Consorts to know if it has any chance to work. Please go to Kar-cat’s place without me. I will join you later.”

Your moirail’s brows furrow.

“I’m not leaving you alone with a psycho running free. I’m coming with you.”

“Eridan, _you can’t_. If my idea turns out to be wrong, or if I can’t make it to Prospit in time, you will have to kill Gamzee. Besides, I will be fine on LOLCAT since Gamzee’s targeting Prospit.”

Eridan grumbles a little but he knows he can protect you better by killing Gamzee on Prospit than by accompanying you to your planet. You hug your moirail and kiss his brow before taking your separate way.

> Terezi: Face your Denizen.

Sgrub is pretty good at spouting original monsters and disturbing imaginary – Eridan’s angels are a proof of that – but Clotho really takes the cake.

Your Denizen is a huge, vaguely trollish being wearing layers upon layers of grey fabric. It’s supposed to be a dress but it looks more like a shroud, and it smells of death too. Her skin is a normal grey but her eyes are disturbingly white. So is her hair.

Clotho is spinning some thread on the wheel in front of her. She doesn’t look up for her work as she addresses you.

“Greetings, Maid of Mind. I am Clotho, the Spinner of Fate. Do you want to fight me or do you want to leave?”

You were expecting a Choice, this much your teammates had warned you about, but certainly not this one. _Leave?_ You came all this way to fight her!

You bite back your instinctive answer. This may be a test of your skills as a Hero of Mind.

You try to use your Aspect to peer at the outcome of either option. However, your Mind’s eye remains sadly closed. You do better with choices that cut close to your heart and mind. This one just doesn’t make sense to you.

So you just ask your Denizen:

“What will happen if I choose either?”

“Well, if you fight me and win, your Land will be freed and the Hoard released. If you leave now, you won’t have the opportunity to defeat me ever again.”

“Why?”

“Because this is one of the turning points of your life,” the Denizen speaks gently, almost as if breaking a horrible piece of news. “It can only happen once. Either you embrace your role as the Hero of Mind or you embrace death.”

“Either I defeat you now, or you are forever out of my reach.” You speak carefully and Clotho nods along. “In that case, my land would never be freed, your Hoard never released. The timeline would be doomed.” Even a novice Mind player would know that such a gross incompetence on the part of one player would result in a divergence from the alpha timeline.

“So this is no choice at all,” you conclude. “If I don’t fight you, we will lose and everyone will eventually die.”

“Right choices aren’t always easy to make. In this game, they rarely are.”

 _Why would I want to leave?_ “Should I be somewhere else right now?”

“Check your computer.”

You log in on Trollian, carefully setting your status as hidden so your friends do not wonder while you’re using your PDA in the middle of your fight with your Denizen. You’re immediately assaulted by a dozen of cherry-colored messages by your fearless leader.

Reading about Gamzee’s rampage is almost a relief. Sure, the situation is bad but your friends can handle it without you. It is far more crucial that you defeat Clotho and preserve the alpha timeline.

You say as much to your Denizen and the monster sights sadly.

“A Choice has been made.”

“Gamzee’s?”

“Someone much closer to you.”

You can feel it like a ripple through the Incipisphere. _Nepeta’s choice._ A truly unbelievable one.

Nepeta’s always been too kind. You warned her about it countless times. But you never thought she would go this far. _Trying to ascend to gain the power to save Gamzee?_ _Risking her life not for a quadrantmate, not even for a friend, but for a troll that she talked to maybe twice in her life?_

That is crazy. No troll would ever act like that. _Stupid, selfless Nepeta._ _Stupid, selfless, soon-to-be-dead Nepeta._ No one ever died on one of those slabs. No one ever came back. Maybe the Quest Cocoon doesn’t work at all. Maybe it only brings you back on odd nights. You don’t know. You cannot _see_ it. Your powers are useless to tell you the only thing that really matters.

“You could stop her, you know. If you came to her, she would listen to you. She loves you, you know.”

 _Does she?_ Eridan dropped a thousand hints in that direction but Nepeta never piped a word about it. You like Eridan but he _is_ full of shit and far too eager to set his moirail up. You assumed that Nepeta would talk to you if her feelings for you were real and not just Eridan reading too much into things.  

You assumed too much.

You thought you _knew_ her. Turns out you really don’t. Her Choice is beyond brave and beyond kind but also beyond foolish and beyond selfish. Has Nepeta no regard for her own life? For the grieving moirail and friends she may leave behind?

Your thoughts are interrupted once more by your Denizen’s voice.

“The Knight of Heart has made her Choice. Now, it is your turn.”

So you choose.

“Aradia!” you cry out.

Your fellow Scourge Sister rushes into Clotho’s lair so fast that she looks like a miniature red tornado.

“Aradia, I need you to fight...”

Your words die on your lips. Clotho seized Aradia and snapped her neck. You know it’s just a doomed version of her but having the corpse of your friend dropped next to you is still gruesome as hell.

“You cannot take a third option. You must fight me yourself or you must leave.”

“This is no choice,” you growl. “If I stay here, Nepeta may die. But, if I leave, she will die because _I_ doomed the timeline!”

“You are the Maid of Mind, said Clotho implacably. “Your powers will tell you how to preserve the alpha timeline. But do you think it will always be easy? Do you think it will always be _fair_? Do you have what it takes to guide your friends, no matter what?”

“So I should prove my strength by meekly submitting to a role a game chose for me?”

“This game creates and destroys _universes_. The forces at play are so much larger than you that, if you tried to rebel against them, they would crush you and spit you out into nothingness. If you want to be free from this game, you must win it, and if you want to win it, you must submit and play by the rules.”

“Very well,” you lunge at the Denizen, sword at the ready.

> Nepeta: Say goodbye

You sit cross-legged on your Quest Cocoon, your tablet in your lap. You just left your (maybe final?) message to your moirail. It wasn’t easy, not by a long shot, but now that you have to write Terezi’s message, it seems like Eridan’s was a piece of cake.

You know where you stand with Eridan. You cannot doubt his love for you, as he would never doubt you’re pale for him. But Terezi... you never told her about your flushcrush. Should you do it now? If you were not to come back, would it make her feel regret (if she reciprocates) or guilt (if she does not)?

You bite your lips. None of that would have happened if you had just told Terezi everything before this whole mess! If only you had not been so cowardly...

You decide to tell her. If you tell her, it means you will come back so Terezi can have the opportunity to accept or reject you. You’re Nepeta Leijon and, if you believe in one thing, it is in the neat resolving of any romantic loose ends.

You must believe you will come back.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AC: terezi  
AC: if you read this i might be dead  
AC: i probably won’t be though!  
AC: i decided to use my quest cocoon  
AC: i think that if i reach the god tier i can save gamzee from himself  
AC: youre probably wondering why do i even care but i do  
AC: gamzee may not be my friend but hes a teammate and i think we should help him not kill him  
AC: i think were supposed to  
AC: this is a cooperative game and i dont think we can win if we dont stick together  
AC: so i decided to do this  
AC: im sorry  
AC: i know im taking a huge risk and you and eridan have every right to be angry at me  
AC: but im going to be ok  
AC: were going to speak of this later and you can chew me out all you want, ok?  
AC: and if I were not to come back  
AC: well  
AC: dont blame yourself for anything  
AC: this is my decision and nothing you could have done would have changed anything

You pause, hands on your keyboard. Time to drop the bomb.

AC: this is probably the worst possible moment to say this  
AC: this IS the worst moment to say this  
AC: but i like you?  
AC: in a flushed sort of way  
AC: god  
AC: this is so terrible  
AC: im sorry  
AC: i know its very selfish to tell you now because you might never get to answer me  
AC: but i needed to tell you  
AC: if im going to do this i need to feel some sort of peAC:e, not regrets because i was too cowardly to confess to you  
AC: anyway, when i come bAC:k, you can answer me!  
AC: and if i dont, just forget this  
AC: forget all this

You close your eyes in frustration. How could Terezi forget what you just told her? You’re acting like an idiot.

There are so many more things you want to type. “I’m scared.” “I _know_ this is the right decision, how can it feel so wrong?” and “I’m sorry.” over and over again. But you don’t. You’ve burdened Terezi enough with your love confession; you must not burden her with your doubts.

AC: im just rambling  
AC: its only a catnap  
AC: im going to be back before you even read this message!  
AC: goodbye

You sign off quickly and put aside your tablet. You will get it back once this is over.

> Meanwhile, in the past...

You are Equius Zahnak and you feel secure and happy in the utter righteousness of your decision to submit to the highblood’s will. Karkat kicked you out of the team for it but you never cared for following his orders anyway. (Some part of you secretly enjoyed it, but you are too happy to think about your little perversion _now_.)

Your chat client pings. It’s your moirail and you brace yourself for Kanaya’s baseless censure.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

GA: Equius  
GA: I Dont Have Much Time So Please Do Not Interrupt Me  
GA: I Am Breaking Up With You  
GA: You Obviously Care Neither For My Well Being Nor For My Very Survival So You Cannot Be Pale For Me  
CT: D --> Kanaya  
GA: Our Moirallegiance Is Therefore A Sham That I Refuse To Prolong Any Longer  
GA: I Think I Am More To Blame Than You For The Failure Of Our Relationship  
GA: I Let Your Bigotry Run Unchecked  
GA: I Was Too Afraid To Lose You To Confront You About Your Faults With All The Required Severity  
GA: I Did Not Help You Become A Better Troll As A True Moirail Would Have  
GA: I Am Sorry  
CT: D --> Kanaya wait  
GA: I Dont Think We Will Ever Talk Again  
GA: I Have No Intention To Let Gamzee Hurt Any Of Our Friends  
GA: I Can Take Him Down But I Will Most Likely Die In the Process  
GA: So The Proper Wording Is Adieu

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

You frantically type answers but Kanaya’s already offline. She must have prepared her speech in advance and copy-pasted it in the chat window. Or she types freakishly quickly.

You don’t have the time to even _think_ about what to do next. Trollian is pinging again.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

TA: hey EQ.  
CT: D --> Are you going to break up with me too  
TA: why would ii do that?  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> Glad to see you are sensible at least  
TA: ii mean ii’m goiing two diie iin a couple of hour2.  
TA: iit wouldnt make any 2en2e two break up wiith you.  
CT: D --> You’re not going to die  
TA: 2eriiou2ly EQ?  
TA: when a 2ubjugglator ii2 rampagiing, pii22blood2 are the fiir2t two go.  
TA: ii gue22 it2 why ii felt liike ii had two talk two you.  
TA: iit would have been wrong to leave wiithout 2ayiing goodbye.  
CT: D --> You are NOT going to die  
CT: D --> I will not allow it  
TA: are you goiing two fiight gamzee then?  
TA: because we are 2o fucked otherwii2e.  
CT: D --> Hmm  
TA: ii thought 2o.  
TA: you truly cannot go agaiin2t hiim.  
CT: D --> He is my superior  
CT: D --> Sollu%  
CT: D --> I’m sorry  
CT: D --> Not to be able to help you  
TA: that2 ok.  
TA: ii thiink ii wa2 alway2 meant two diie that way.  
TA: kiilled by gamzee makara.  
TA: what a cosmiic joke.  
TA: he wa2 my friiend, you know?  
TA: he was hiigh all the time and kind of a giigantiic paiin in the a22.  
TA: but he wa2 a good troll.  
TA: ii could almo2t feel 2orry for hiim iif ii wasn’t two bu2y beiing 2orry for myself.  
TA: ii thiink iill have two go 2oon.  
TA: kk ii2 makiing rude ge2ture2 at me two tell me two go two 2leep already.  
TA: tiime two face the musiic.  
CT: D --> That ruffian  
CT: D --> How dare he  
CT: D --> You don’t have to obey him, Sollu%  
CT: D --> You don’t have to fight Gamzee  
TA: he’ll come for me 2ooner or later.  
TA: i’ll rather go to him and diie like a troll.  
TA: there ii2 one thiing left ii have two 2ay.  
TA: iit was niice beiing your matespriit.  
TA: niicer that ii ever thought iit would be.  
TA: you’re a huge dbag, you’re truly gro22 2ometiime2 and you thiink the 2tupiide2t thiing2.  
TA: but you’re ok.  
TA: better than ok.  
TA: and, when ii saiid ii was flu2hed for you, ii diidn’t mean iit iin the begiiniing but now ii do.  
TA: and ii really hope gamzee wiill 2pare you.  
TA: 2iince ii’m liiterally on my death bed, ii can type uniironically  
TA: <3  


twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Heart Denizen being called Psyche and being rather nice comes from the fanfic Herding Cats. 
> 
> I'm so sorry for taking this long and I ended this chapter is a nasty way too! The actual confrontation with Gamzee and the end of this arc will be in the next chapter: "The Choice".


End file.
